Hawww!!! What heights hypocrisy can scale! Run! Hide! Avoid! Escape!

A month ago there was some shitty Green Day celebration in office, for no reason whatsoever. There was no occasion, but the HR suddenly had this brainwave that we needed to acknowledge nature and everything it has given us. So we were asked to come in green. A few token potted plants were gotten and placed around office. There were some sorry green card-sheet hoardings screaming “Go Green” in cheap faint sketch pens from the walls. The air conditioners were switched off and the windows were opened. Honestly, I hate this tokenism and Green Day and shit. But I didn’t want to throw the spanner that was my cynicism in the wheel that was the celebration. “Perhaps”, I thought, “I am just being too critical of everything. These guys could be serious. And it is a good cause after all. Who knows. They might even mean it, and may in fact do something real in this regard.” So quietly, I turned up in green. And the day was panning like any other. In the middle of the day, the ‘celebrations’ began. The team was called in one of the rooms with a potted plan kept on a table, in the middle of the room. It was supposed to be some bamboo thing- Chinese symbol for luck or something. Then, we were asked to make a circle around the table, hold hands and scream “Go Green” in unison. Thrice. That’s lame ass- thrice. Then, each of us were asked to describe in a few lines/minutes, what we were doing or planning to do to save the earth. No one wanted to come forth, but the HR had to force the issue. So then, people who would otherwise have loved to turn a blind eye to these issues were forced to think of lies that would further put them at discomfort at night. I heard stuff like “I will plant several trees this year”, “I will use a bicycle instead of a motorcycle”, “I will tell others to plant more trees!” (that one was my favorite). Anyway. I too said something, but was proud of myself that I didn’t have to lie. Then there were some speeches types from the bosses. Honestly, it all reeked of compulsion and obligation. But I guess they made some sense with what they were saying, and also talked of some grand plans and commitments towards the cause. All this while, I was still trying to not be cynical and to be supportive of the whole shebang. So the day ended afterwards, with a few more token gestures. I said whatever, and got on with my life, trying to believe some people had at least made a start.

Fast forward to a month later. Mind you. That’s it! A month. 30 days. I walk up to the tea place thing we have in office and look for a cup to pour my tea into. I notice there are no cups. Instead, there is a whole stack of disposable plastic shit in a corner. Now I might be particularly hard on those things because I hate everything about them. They are tacky, cheap, too light, weightless, and formless. But more than everything, they are plastic. I can’t stand that one material somehow. With these disposable cups, I just lose it. I think they are a commentary of sorts on people who use them and don’t feel like something is drastically wrong with the world. So I look at these cups and feel disgusted. But I also felt pissed off with everyone who was nonchalantly using those cups like nothing had changed. I storm to the HR and ask her to explain how this development agreed with the Green Day charade. I get a pathetic “er ahem, you know, actually, well, ta ta pa pa” types response from the super dimwitted lady there. I make it clear that I want an explanation from her or I (and my whole team) are boycotting every celebration in office. She uttered the standard loser’s-last-resort-response and told me that the directive had come from one of the bosses. I ask her to come with me right then and force the boss to do the right thing, the same way she had acted all evangelisty asking us to scream “Go Green” a month ago. Devoid of any sort of mettle as she is, she tries to weasel out. I literally drag her to the boss’ cabin, mainly to make her uncomfortable about being a hypocrite. I knew she was not going to be able to say anything to the boss, because she had no guts. But more because I was making her pretend like she believed in a cause that she absolutely didn’t care about, beyond it being a “theme” for a “day”. But the argument with the boss takes the cake today:

“Hey, I just noticed someone has put out crappy disposable cups there. What was wrong with our clay mugs?”

“Yea, actually I asked them to use those. We will be using those from now.”

“Oh, ok. Why again?”

“The clay cups are a bit too much to clean actually. They have to be washed like thrice daily. These cups are better, don’t you think?”

“Since you ask me what I think, I think this is a really bad decision. I think you can hire an additional guy to wash them or buy more cups so they have to be washed only once a day.”

“Yea well, that would work out to be quite expensive. Plus, since we are growing, we need to think of a permanent solution. How many mugs can you wash in a day if we grow to say 200 people tomorrow”

“So ok. We can decide to go in for these plastic cups when we grow to that size. Its not like people need to get used to drinking tea in shitty cups so we need to train them from now, is it?”

“Look, I understand what you are saying. But its just not possible.”

“Ok. And the whole commitment to environment thing you said the other day…that was just for kicks then?”

“See, you need to view it practically. Sure, we are not doing the best thing by using these plastic cups. But we can make up elsewhere. Say by switching off air conditioners for one day every week.”

“Yea, that would be good. But I don’t see how that has to come at the cost of not using clay mugs? Plus, as I am seeing it, the theme really is sounding like cost cutting, rather than go green. Plus, are you seriously suggesting that the amount of garbage we’ll be causing by using several hundred plastic cups each week can be undone by switching of air conditioning for a day? Really?”

“Look, some decisions have to be taken even if they look painful. Still, let me consider what we can do.”

“Yea. I understand that. I understand it bigtime. But why ask me to make a fool of myself by holding hands and shouting and giving heartwarming speeches and stuff? If you want to use plastic cups, go ahead, use them. But at least let’s not make a mockery out of the cause by celebrating and expecting me to celebrate these crappy days in office? Are you getting what I am saying?”

“I understand. But it was all in good spirit. Like I said, we’ll see what can be done.”

“Ok. Thanks”

And thus the search for a less hypocritical employer begins.