It is 12.30 in the night on a Sunday and I haven't had a day off for the longest time. I have had 25 and 30 hour workdays on supposedly 'long' weekends and I am tired. Not because of the work and not because my client has humiliated and debased me in the worst possible way, openly for absolutely no fault of mine. I am tired just because I am. Tired of everything. Tired of being alone and tired of being taken for granted by everyone in this world and tired of crying. I am tired because not one person in this world values and treasures me. I am tired because I have to exist.

Why can I not be who I am and survive happily. Why does everyone have to hate me, curse me, mock me, and despise me so? I have had it with 'if you are going to be that guy, you will always get screwed.' Why can't I just be whoever I may be- stupid, simple, naive, idiotic, dumb, pathetic, whatever. Why can't I be loved for what I am. What if I just am that way. Is that a sin? Do I have to suffer? It feels like I am not life-ready. Like I am not good enough to be in this crappy world. And people often justify this shit by citing Darwin. Thats the biggest misquote ever. Its fair if you have to be fit to survive. But I am not talking fitness here. Apparently, fitness is confused with the guile, stealth, and cunning that you require to trap a fleet footed hare. All I am asking is to be not screwed for the kind of person I am. Don't fucking make me regret being a nice guy.

And the worst thing is that no one around even knows what I am talking about. All of you are so fucking deaf and muted to this cruelty that I seem to be a weirdo. You laugh when I am hungry and you celebrate when I weep. I hate this world and I hate you and I hate myself and I hate everyone.

I don't care about any one of you. All I want is for the constant lump in my throat to not choke me. All I want is to not feel like I will break down every hour. All I ask for is for just one person,one fucking puny person, to simply listen to and understand me and this is what I get!

This is no way to live...paying through your nose for always meaning well and trying to be a good person.