Mera kuch saamaan tumhare paas pada hai
saavan ke kuch bheege bheege din rakhe hain
aur mere ik khat main lipti raat padi hai
woh raat bujha do, mera woh saamaan lauta do
mera kuch saamaan tumhare paas pada hai

Patjhad hai kuch...hai na?
patjhad main kuch patton ke girne kee aahat
kaanon main ek baar pahan ke laut aai thee
patajhad kee woh shaakh abhi tak kaanp rahi hai
woh shaakh gira do, mera woh saamaan lauta do
woh shaakh gira do, mera woh saamaan lauta do

Ek akeli chhatree main jab aadhe aadhe bheeg rahe the
aadhe sookhe aadhe geele, sukha to main le aaye thee
geela man shayad bistar ke paas pada ho
woh bhijwa do, mera woh saamaan lauta do

Ek so sola chaand ki raatein ek tumhare kaandhe ka til
Ek so sola chaand ki raatein ek tumhare kaandhe ka til
geeli mehendi ki khushboo, jhooth mooth ke shikwe kuch
jhooth mooth ke wade bhi sab yaad karaa do
sab bhijwa do, mera woh saamaan lauta do
sab bhijwa do, mera woh saamaan lauta do

ek ijaazat de do bas, jab isko dafanaaungee
main bhi vaheen so jaungee
main bhi vaheen so jaungee

Renowned scientists in a highly reputed laboratory recently conducted a detailed study to compare two very different yet oddly similar types of misfortunes known to the human kind- a gun-shot in the chest and heartbreak. Here are excerpts from their findings:

• It was found that at their worst, a gun-shot in the chest was just as painful as heartache. The intensity of pain described differed between subjects, but it wasn't enough to discern between the two mishaps.
  
  
• Gun-shotees, as opposed to heartbreakees, were thankful that their pain, while intense, didn't last for extended periods of time. They said they hit the bottom right after the mishap and then felt a rapidly dwindling pain at isolated times during the day in the following period. Heartbreakees however, couldn't say which period was less painful than others. In a few cases, the subjects said their pain increased progressively; a few said each day was just as painful as the previous one, ever after. Reportedly, not many subjects recovered totally. Ever.
  
  
• Among those that had been unfortunate enough to experience the same pain more than once, shotees said that after their first time, each of the next times weren't as painful. Heartbreakees on the other hand said each progressive heartbreak left them 'a thousand times more devastated than the previous one'.
  
  
• Commonalities between the two mishaps included inability to breathe at a lot of times during the day, heavy dependence on those around, sobbing, recurring memories of the incident, the lead up to it, and the happy times before that, inability to attach a rational explanation to it, and general disillusionment.
  
  
• When asked to describe their most stark thoughts at the peak of their plight, those who were shot at feared "Oh God! I am going to die". On the contrary, those with broken hearts said "Oh God. I wish I were dead." In a significant number of cases, the heartbreakees said they would have preferred if the breakers of their hearts had, in fact, shot them in the chest with a gun.

Based on these findings, scientists have dared to pass a verdict: A 'meh' for gun-shot and a 'No price is too high to avoid it' to heartache. The chief scientist justified this verdict saying, "It was a really difficult choice to make. However, the thing about heartbreak is that you don't die from it. You should, but you don't. It leaves just a bit of life in you to make you walk around all day like a zombie. The pain is just as much as a gun-shot. But everlasting. You could guard yourself against a gun-shot, expecting or watching it as it came, but heartache gets you much more surreptitiously.

And while gun-shots have clear-cut culprits, with heartache you don't know who to blame."

Vanity Where

I had a very stimulating conversation with this chick the other day over coffee. Now, stimulating to me usually meant, something where I could argue and counter-argue till the cows came home. And the person at the other end gullibly plays into my hands. Thinking naively that I must be smart and can talk on any topic under the sun. The experienced ones are now in on the secret and don't even give me the time of day if they have anything better to do. But anyway, this chick was apparently a noob. So yea, I had this conversation with her. Off-late, I consciously try to improve as a person by avoiding those kinda conversations. But sometimes you've just gotta indulge.

So this chick started with something like 'You know whats wrong with this world? Everything is so frikkin pretentious.' I saw a window, nay highway, of opportunity, decorated with flowers and red carpets leading upto it. Inviting me to arrive at the stage which I am so adept at occupying annoyingly. (Note, I am too chicken to actually occupy a real stage, lest you start painting an inaccurate picture of me. The only stages I grace are the ones I create in my mind. And boy, did I rock that scene once!) So anyway, she said this thing in a pretty serious manner. And I had to dig into my now discarded repertoire to come up with something that looked just as insightful. Here, I want to point out that I have (or had?) this annoying habit (actually a sub-habit). No no...not the one where I write too much stuff in brackets. Its the other one. Whenever someone says something that is important to them, I have to showcase my intellect by saying something like, "Well what you say is perfectly right...However...there are like a million points that I think you are missing..." Go ahead...you laugh now...but trust me, it is very annoying. I have had it done to me too, and I can relate with all those who I have pained on that one count. Some people tell me this trait is typical of the city I come from. I think that might be true. Dunno.

So back to the conversation. She complained of how everything around us was pretentious and how that was the reason for all misery. I quipped, "Well..you are right...but you know what I think? I think things would still be better if the world pretended well. The problem is not so much that everything is pretentious. Its that everyone sucks at pretending." Again, like a true noob, she gave my words some thought. And I could see a nice session brewing. Conversations over coffee. Isn't that what these chains charge you a bomb for? Well, thats a different scam altogether. Trust me, hot guys making intersting conversations sell their coffee. Not the other way round. Coffee or tea or booze or whatever is only incidental. These coffee chains should be sharing their profits with me. I dare them to take me off the scene in the middle of a conversation and put in some average guy. We'll see how long the conversation sustains then. We'll see how much interesting discussion that overpriced coffee fuels. Anyway, this can be the subject of another post. Now back to the convo.

So I said the world was in the shape it is in because everyone (mostly) sucked at pretending. She asked me to elaborate (rookie mistake again). I gave her an example. "Lets take our shitty tabloids for example. Undeniably and totally pretentious. Yet, badly so. They generate words like glitterati and chutzpah and what not to describe lame things. This business of making up words and attaching them to regular concepts to make them look exciting is the backbone of pretentiousness. Right? But they do a shoddy job there too. Look at the real cool things in the world. They always have cool names. Agreed. So when you want to make something look cool, it should first have a catchy name. For example, the 70s were universally accepted as really really cool. I say its because of the name of that decade. The Seventies! How cool does that sound. On the other hand, look at the decade that we are in right now. What name does it have? The OOs? The units? You see...no cool name. Is it any surprise that this decade sucked total ass then?"

I saw that look of adulation and adoration in her eyes. Like she had just heard something simple, yet profound. She must have been thinking, I had such insight on regular topics. I must be a smart guy. And I decided to drive that car till the fuel, in this case biogas, ran out. "So you see...its the name that defines the cool. If only the powers that be focused on applying the principles of pretentiousness for popularising the real cool stuff before getting on to the vain stuff, the world would still be a better place. I say, first have a name for this decade. Then coin words to describe irritating celebrity couples."

"Well, that is right...you have a point." What! I had a point? Ok. They don't make girls like her anymore. Thats for sure. I decided to push my luck still further and squeeze in some more bullshit. "You know what. I should just come up with a sexy name for this decade and patent it. How about calling it the Ravis? We'll of course spell it more pretentiously. Like the Raviez or something. I could patent it and earn a royalty everytime some fashion rag used it. If there is anyone in this decade who has really had fun, they could tell their grandkids later in the 30s about how much fun they had in the Raviez. As things stand now, there is no name they have to remember this decade by. I could also patent an abbreviation like Rz. You see...all this would count as pretentiousness. But smoothly executed. If everyone was so good at it, the world wouldn't be in this shape. Thats what I live for. Making this world a better place."

That was it. She was floored. She was thinking, "This guy has everything. He is smart and fun!" Thats how its done. Thats how you nail the chicas. Not by driving swanky cars and spending oodles of dough. But by making stupid convo. And believing in what you say. The key is to come up with interesting stuff on the go. I came up with some more crap. "You see, I can cite evidence to support my case. Take restaurants for example. What fancy names they have for all their stuff. Aubergine for vanga, Okra for bhendi, Bell Pepper, Caper, Farmers Bread, Cottage Cheese....blah blah. Believe me, we would have much leaner people if they named dishes for what they tasted like. But thats the key. You name something cool and it will sell." Done. This girl didn't have a chance. She made a mistake by giving me an opening to this convo. And I snatched the microphone and turned it into my own tonight show.

Man, do I miss the good old times. Looking forward to more khaavi. And even more fun stuff.

"Alien like you"

I know that you don't know
That I know what you know
We've got secrets between us that
Nobody would believe if we told them.
So let the stars all shine.
Let the water make wine.
Cuz broken souls
Will become whole
Tonight
You know its right
So lift your eyes
And let me in
Cuz baby I am an alien...
...Like you
Will you ever wake at night
And realize the reason
Why you knew me then
Is maybe I am an alien
Too?
Would you ever
Let me be an alien with you?

I know that you are leaving
Its hard with the feeling
We must be millions and billions
Of light years away
So let the heavens flare
And lets not be scared
Cuz we know that loves a world
Above this one
Just like the sun.
So lift your eyes
And let me in
Cuz baby I am an alien...
...Like you
Will you ever wake at night
And realize the reason
Why you knew me then
Is maybe I am an alien
Too?
Would you ever
Let me be an alien with you?

Days of solitude are gone
Because we've both spent away too long.
Hearing voices on the radio.
Cant let anybody know
No we cant let anybody know.
So lift your eyes
And let me in
Baby I am an alien...
...Like you.
Will you ever wake at night
And realize the reason
Why you knew me then?
Is maybe I am an alien
Too?
Would you ever
Let me be an alien with you?

"Trash into trash equals trash flavored trash."

"Hello...Am I talking to Mr. Ravi?"
"Uh...yes...you are...".
"Thank You Sir. I am calling on behalf of Citibank. Sir, you have just been specially chosen for a new insurance plan as a reward for being a esteemed Citibank Credit Card holder Sir. Can I go on and inform you of the various features it offers to you as a specially chosen customer?"

I have always been a sucker for these you-are-so-special-to-me/us, you-mean so-much-to-me/us traps. I couldn't resist hearing how special I was to a commercial profit-hungry bank.

"Sure go on..." I heard myself say.
"Sir this is a special Life Insurance plan that you won't be able to buy from the market Sir."
"Ok"
"Sir it provides you with a cover in case of your unfortunate death Sir."
"Well not sure how unfortunate it would be...but go ahead..."
"Yes sir...so sir this plan offers you Life Insurance in case of any kind of death with no processing hassles sir."
"Ok"
"A special feature is our murder and suicide insurance sir. Even if you committ suicide sir, your nominee will get the full cover sir."
"Suicide insurance eh? And I have specially been chosen for this one you say?"
"Yes Sir...specially chosen..."
"So the news is out then?"
"What sir?"
"Never mind...go on please"
"Thank You Sir. So sir, this wonderful new plan, with suicide insurance, will provide your dependants with financial security in the case of your unfortunate death sir. May I know how many dependants you have sir?"
"Well, no one depends on me for anything...if thats what you are asking. I am not needed."
"No sir...not like that. Any spouse..."
"Nope."
"Any children?"
"Really?"
"No sir. What about your parents sir?"
"Ah them."
"Yes sir, them. It will provide them with security and no hassles sir."
"Yea...I'm not sure who depends on whom in that relationship. But I understand. Go on please."
"Thank you sir...you can also choose any third person as your nominee too sir...there are many more features too sir...blah blah blah"

A fat nasty old man once began a conversation with me saying "Assuming you die tomorrow..." That was a sidey local company. This phone dude had all the charm and panache that you'd associate with a glam foreign bank. So he went a step further and addressed me saying "Assuming you kill yourself tomorrow sir...".

And like a naive country boy, I bought into both these guys. At least this call centre guy made me feel like I would be worth something to someone once I died. That someone could be anyone I chose! That did make me feel special. Like I was really the chosen one. It was almost like I won at a lucky dip at a funfair and as a prize, I got to make a wish. No Conditions Apply. Or at least hassle free...as the man said.

So now, I am like a flesh and blood at-par cheque, encashable anytime, issued in favor of those who 'depend' on me. They may not have any particular interest in me being alive. But I have handed them some incentive to bump me off, should they ever get too tired of me. Is that sweetening the deal for anyone to want me? Yea right!

It scares me how much these corporations can change the way we look at things.

In finance, you have loans, and you have repayments. You take loans, and you pay them back. Plus interest. Once you take a loan, there is no escaping the payback. It is usually painful, but there is no easy way out. What repayment is in finance, karma is in life. A perfectly logical and analogous concept, I used to think. But there is one gray area.

In finance, there is also a concept of a write-off. If a person with absolutely no repayment capabilities somehow avails of a loan, there is usually no payback. Just default. The fact that this person didn't deserve a loan is fine, but thats in the past. The fact remains: he offtook that money and is totally incapable of paying it back, even partially. The lender can only write it off now. There is nothing that he can do to make good his loss and so he decides to let it go. The only winner here is the defaulter. The reason? He played so beyond his means that whatever he was worth paled totally in comparison to what he owed. And so it was written off. Had he taken a smaller loan, he would have been pushed and shoved around and nagged to somehow arrange for the payback. Not so for a ridiculously large amount.

The question then, is that can there be a Karmic write-off? You act cruel, and it will come back to you in equal measure (plus interest). Thats the way its supposed to be. But what if you act so cruel that there isn't enough dead weight in the world to balance off your cruelty? Do you enjoy a karmic write-off because you are so depleted of karmic assets that there is no chance of even a substantially partial payback happening? And if it is so, in the short term (read: just this life and not the future reincarnations or whatever) is it advisable to go so overboard with your negative karma that providence has no chance of a significant recovery? Can you expect to be let off the hook?

Well, guess I can think out of the box. And its always good to know you have choices of actions.

Definitely sounds better than abiding tamely.