Tuesday, April 25, 2023

IMUMMTGMTY

I'm sitting on my terrace,
Lost in the stars 
Listening to the sounds of 
The sad guitars 
Been thinking it all over 
And I've thought it all through 
I've made up my mind 
To give myself to you 

I saw the first 
Fall of snow 
I saw the flowers 
Come and go 
I don't think that anyone 
Ever, has ever knew 
I've made up my mind 
To give myself to you 

I'm giving myself to you, I am 
From Salt Lake City to Birmingham 
From East L.A. 
To San Antone 
I don't think I can bear 
To live my life alone 

My eye is like 
A shooting star 
It looks at nothing, here or there, 
Looks at nothing, near of far 
No one ever told me, 
It's just something I knew 
I've made up my mind 
To give myself to you 

If I had the wings 
Of a snow-white dove 
I'd preach the gospel, 
The gospel of love 
A love so real, 
A love so true 
I've made up my mind 
To give myself to you 

Take me out traveling, 
You're a traveling man 
Show me something 
That I'll understand 
I'm not what I was, things aren't what they were 
I'll go far away from home, with her 

I've traveled a long road 
Of despair, 
I've met no other 
Traveler there, 
Lot of people gone, 
Lot of people I knew 
I've made up my mind 
To give myself to you 

Well, my heart's like a river, 
A river that sings 
It just takes me a while 
To realize things 
I'll see you at sunrise, I'll seen you at dawn 
I'll lay down beside you, when everyone's gone 

I've traveled from the mountains 
To the sea 
I hope that the gods 
Go easy with me 
I knew you'd say yes, 
Now I'm saying it too 
I've made up my mind 
To give myself to you

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Aaj bichhade hain
Kal kaa dar bhi nahi
Zindagi itani
Mukhtasar bhi nahi
Aaj bichhade hain...

Zakhm dikhte nahin abhi, lekin
Thhande honge to dard niklegaa
Taesh utregaa, waqt kaa jab bhi
Cheheraa andar se zard niklegaa
Aaj bichhade hain
Kal kaa dar bhi nahi
Zindagi itani
Mukhtasar bhi nahi
Aaj bichhade hain...

Kehne waalon kaa kuchh nahin jaata
Sehne waale kamaal karte hain
Kaun dhoondhe jawaab dardon ke
Log to bas sawaal karate hain
Aaj bichhade hain
Kal kaa dar bhi nahi
Zindagi itani
Mukhtasar bhi nahi
Aaj bichhade hain...

Kal jo aayegaa jaane kya hoga
Beet jaaye jo, kal nahi aate
Waqt ki shaakh todne waalo
Tooti shaakhon pe phall nahi aate
Aaj bichhade hain
Kal kaa dar bhi nahi
Zindagi itani
Mukhtasar bhi nahi
Aaj bichhade hain...

Kachchi mitti hain dil bhi, insaan bhi
Dekhne hee mein sakht lagtaa hain
Aansoo ponchhe aansuon ke nishaan
Khushq hone mein waqt lagtaa hain
Aaj bichhade hain
Kal kaa dar bhi nahi
Zindagi itani
Mukhtasar bhi nahi
Aaj bichhade hain.

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

I crossed the Rubicon, on the fourteenth day
Of the most dangerous month of the year
At the worst time, at the worst place
That's all I seem to hear
I got up early
So I could greet the goddess of the dawn
I painted my wagon,
Abandoned all hope
And I crossed the Rubicon

Well, the Rubicon is a red river
Goin' gently as she flows
Redder than your ruby lips
And the blood that flows from the rose
Three miles north of purgatory
One step from the great beyond
I prayed to the cross,
I kissed the girls
And I crossed the Rubicon

What are these dark days I see?
In this world so badly bent
I cannot redeem the time
The time so idly spent
How much longer can it last?
How long can it go on?
I embraced my love
Put down my head
And I crossed the Rubicon

I can feel the bones beneath my skin
And they're tremblin' with rage
I'll make your wife a widow
You'll never see old age
Show me one good man in sight
That the sun shines down upon
I pawned my watch,
I paid my debts
And I crossed the Rubicon

Put my hide up on a hill
Where some happiness I'll find
If I survive, then let me love
Let the hour be mine
Take the high road, take the low
Take up any one you're on
I poured the cup,
I passed it along
And I crossed the Rubicon

Well, you defiled the most lovely flower
In all of womanhood
Oh this can’t be tolerated
Oh this can’t be good!
I'll cut you up with a crooked knife
Lord, and I'll miss you when you're gone
I stood between heaven and earth
And I crossed the Rubicon

You won't find any happiness here
No happiness or joy
Go back to the gutter, try your luck
Find you some nice pretty boy
Tell me how many men I need
And who can I count upon
I strapped my belt,
I buttoned my coat
And I crossed the Rubicon

I feel the holy spirit inside
See the light that freedom gives
I believe it's in the reach of
Every man who lives
Keep as far away as possible
It's darkest 'fore the dawn
I turned the key,
I broke it off
And I crossed the Rubicon

Mornin' baby, are you still in my mind?
I truly believe that you are
Couldn't be anybody else but you
Who's come with me this far
The killing frost is on the ground
And the autumn leaves are gone
I lit the torch,
I looked to the east
And I crossed the Rubicon

Thursday, February 20, 2020

People are so malleable. For all our evolutionary prowess, one thing we absolutely suck at is defending our own interests against words. It is a terrible, terrible matchup, really. We have figured out how to survive in the wild against outright physical hostilities like fires and storms. We’re somewhat figuring out how to overcome less outright physical threats like diseases and infections. But when it comes to being fucked in the head, we are sitting ducks. It is a simple matter of someone coming along, saying the words, with the right turn of phrase, the right meter, the right prosody and that's it! You are screwed. It is a lost battle 100% of the time because evolution is yet to catch up and wire in a defense mechanism for that kind of bloodless assault. It can be lies, the truth, or just bullshit. As long as it is said right, it is a no-contest! It is such a hopeless case that you could come across two sets of words, phrased right, but advocating two completely opposing ideas, and still believe in both of them at the same time. And this is beyond just being enamored in a masturbatory, connoisseury kind of way. You will buy into ideas and thoughts to the point where you start viewing your own life differently and making actual life choices based on the words you have heard.

Sample this:

Does it break my heart? Of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of. I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent. I never thought about things at all.

Everything changed.

The distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world. It wasn't the bombs and burning buildings; it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go. Is ignorance bliss? I don't know. But it's so painful to think. And tell me, what did thinking ever do for me? To what great place did thinking ever bring me?

I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times...but never once into it.

And now, this:

People don't want to think. And the deeper they get into trouble, the less they want to think. But by some sort of instinct, they feel that they ought to and it makes them feel guilty. So they'll bless and follow anyone who gives them a justification for not thinking. Anyone who makes a virtue - a highly intellectual virtue - out of what they know to be their sin, their weakness and their guilt.

If you are able to appreciate, agree, or disagree with both these pieces, you know how screwed we are. And if you are not able to appreciate, agree, or disagree with either of them, you have no idea how screwed you are...

In the time of my confession,
In the hour of my deepest need
When the pool of tears beneath my feet
Floods every newborn seed
There's a dying voice within me
Reaching out somewhere
Toiling in the danger
And the morals of despair
Don't have the inclination
To look back on any mistake
Like Cain, I now behold
This chain of events that I must break
In the fury of the moment
I can see the master's hand
In every leaf that trembles,
In every grain of sand

Oh, the flowers of indulgence
And the weeds of yesteryear
Like criminals, they have choked the breath
Of conscience and good cheer
Oh the sun beat down upon the steps
Of time, to light the way
To ease the pain of idleness
And the memory of decay
I gaze into the doorway
Of temptation, and refrain
And every time I pass that way
I always hear my name
Then onward in my journey
I come to understand
That every hair is numbered
Like every grain of sand

I have gone from rags to riches
In the sorrow of the night
In the violence of a summer's dream,
In the chill of a wintry light
In a bitter dance of loneliness
Fading into space
In the broken mirror of innocence
On each forgotten face
I hear the aging footsteps
Like the motion of the sea
Sometimes I turn, there's someone there,
Other times it's only me
I am hanging in the balance
Of the reality of man
Like every sparrow falling,
Like every grain of sand


Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Well, it's always been my nature
To take chances
My right hand drawing back
While my left hand advances
Where the current is strong
And the monkey dances
To the tune of a concertina...
Blood dryin' in my yellow hair
As I go from shore to shore
I know what it is
That has drawn me to your door
But whatever it could be,
Makes you think you've seen me before
Angelina...

Oh, Angelina.

His eyes were two slits
Making a snake proud
With a face that any painter would paint
As he walked through the crowd
Worshipping a god with the body
Of a woman well endowed
And the head of a hyena...
Do I need your permission
To turn the other cheek?
If you can read my mind,
Why must I speak?
No, I have heard nothing
About the man that you seek
Angelina...

Oh, Angelina. Oh, Angelina

In the valley of the giants
Where the stars and stripes explode
The peaches they were sweet
And the milk and honey flowed
I was only following instructions
When the judge sent me down the road
With your subpoena...
When you cease to exist,
Then who will you blame?
I've tried my best to love you,
But I cannot play this game
Your best friend and my worst enemy
Is one and the same
Angelina...

Oh, Angelina. Oh, Angelina

There's a black Mercedes rollin'
Through the combat zone
Your servants are half dead;
You're down to the bone
Tell me, tall man,
Where would you like to be overthrown
Maybe Jerusalem, or Argentina?
She was stolen from her mother
When she was three days old
Now her vengeance has been satisfied
And her possessions have been sold
He's surrounded by God's angels
And she's wearin' a blindfold
But so are you!
Angelina...

Oh, Angelina. Oh, Angelina

I see pieces of men marching;
Trying to take heaven by force
I can see the unknown rider,
I can see the pale white horse
In God's true name tell me what you want,
And you'll have it of course
Just step into the arena...
Beat a path of retreat
Up them spiral staircases
Past the tree of smoke,
Past the angel with four faces
Begging God for mercy
And weepin' in unholy places
Angelina...

Oh, Angelina.

Friday, October 4, 2019

I got my back to the Sun,
Cuz the light is too intense
I can see what everybody
In the world is up against
You can't turn back and you can't come back,
Sometimes we push too far
One day you'll open up your eyes, and
You'll see where we are
Sugar Baby get on down the road,
You ain't got no brains, no how!
You went years without me,
Might as well keep going now.

Some of these bootleggers,
They make pretty good stuff
Plenty of places to hide things here,
If you want to hide 'em bad enough
I'm staying with Aunt Sally, but you know,
She's not really my aunt
Some of these memories you can learn to live with,
And some of them you can't

Sugar Baby get on down the line
You ain't got no brains, no how!
You went years without me,
Might as well keep going now.

The ladies down in Darktown,
They do the Darktown Strut
You always got to be prepared but,
You never know for what
There ain't no limit to
The amount of trouble women bring
Love is pleasing, love is teasing,
Love's not an evil thing

Sugar Baby, get on down the road,
You ain't got no brains, no how!
You went years without me,
Might as well keep going now.

Every moment of existence seems
Like some dirty trick
Happiness can come suddenly and,
Leave just as quick
Any minute of the day,
The bubble could burst
Try to make things better for someone, sometimes
You just end up making them thousand times worse

Sugar Baby, get on down the road,
You ain't got no brains no how!
You went years without me,
Might as well keep going now.

Your charms have broken many a heart and,
Mine is surely one
You got a way of tearing a world apart,
Love, see what you've done
Just as sure as we're living,
Just as sure as you're born
Look up, look up seek your Maker
'fore Gabriel blows his horn

Sugar Baby, get on down the line,
You ain't got no sense, no how!
You went years without me,
Might as well keep going now!

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Dirt Road Blues


All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.

Wahaan kaun hai tera, musaafir
Jaayega kahaan?
Dum le le ghadi bhar
Ye chhaiyyaan payega kahaan?
Wahaan kaun hai tera, musaafir
Jayegaa kahaan?
Wahaan kaun hai tera?


Beet gaye din,
Pyaar ke pal-chhin
Sapna baneen woh raatein
Bhool gaye woh,
Tu bhi bhulaa de
Pyaar ki wo mulaqaatein...
Pyaar ki wo mulaqaatein
Sab door andhera...sab door andhera
Musaafir, jayega kahaan?
Dum le le, dum le le,
Dum le le ghadi bhar
Ye chhaiyaan payega kahaan?
Wahaan kaun hai tera?


Koi bhi teri, raah na dekhe
Nain bichhaaye na koi
Dard se tere, koi na tadpaa
Aankh kisi ki na royi...
Aankh kisi ki na royi
Kahe kisko tu mera...kahe kisko tu mera?
Musaafir jayega kahaan?
Dum le le, dum le le
Dum le le ghadi bhar
Ye chhaiyaan payega kahaan?
Wahaan kaun hai tera?


Tune to sabko, raah bataayi
Tu apni manzil kyun bhoola?
Suljha ke raaja, auron ki uljhan
Kyun kachhe dhaagon pe jhoola?
Kyun kachhe dhaagon pe jhoola?
Kyun naache sapera...kyun naache sapera?
Musaafir jayega kahaan?
Dum le le, dum le le
Dam le le ghadi bhar
Ye chhaiyaan, payega kahaan?
Wahaan kaun hai tera?


Kehte hain gyaani,
Duniyaa hai faani
Paani pe likhi-likhaayi
Hain sabki dekhi,
Hain sabki jaani,
Haath kisike na aayi...
Haath kisike na aayi
Kuchh tera na mera...kuchh tera na mera
Musafir, jaayega kahaan?
Dum le le, dum le le
Dum le le ghadi bhar
Ye chhaiyaan,payega kahaan?
Wahaan kaun hai tera?

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Do you love me,
Or are you just extending goodwill?
Do you need me half as bad as you say,
Or are you just feeling guilt?
I've been burned before
And I know the score
So you won't hear me complain.
Will I be able
To count on you
Or is your love in vain?

Are you so fast that you cannot see
That I must have solitude?
When I am in the darkness,
Why do you intrude?
Do you know my world,
Do you know my kind
Or must I explain?
Will you let me
Be myself
Or is your love in vain?

Well I've been to the mountains
And I've been in the wind,
I've been in and out of happiness.
I have dined with kings,
I've been offered wings
And I've never been too impressed.

All right, I'll take a chance,
I will fall in love with you
If I'm a fool you can have the night,
You can have the morning too.
Can you cook and sew,
Make flowers grow,
Do you understand my pain?
Are you willing
To risk it all
Or is your love in vain?

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Sentenced to be...


My cat spends her day, every day, doing innocent and innocent things only. No evil. No malice, no hate, no ill will, no bitterness. Just innocent things. Make that all cats, not just my cat. Make that all animals, not just cats. Actually, make that every friggin’ life-form on this planet. Bar one.

It must be a good way to live, like a cat. Unfortunately, since we can’t fix that now, we’re only left with a few tools to deal with this deceitful, insincere, hypocritical, backstabbing, duplicitous ride that we collectively call the human experience. There’s no way out. So how do you get by? There’s really only 3 ways you can approach it, and they loosely follow the 90:9:1 rule.

90% of our species basically participates in the experience without even thinking about it. They screw others over and get screwed over back, until they die. It sounds like a fairly acceptable form of existence, if you don’t consider the fact that they are participating without reconciling why they are doing what they are. And living with that sort of a half-awareness is like functioning with a constant dull headache. No fun. Even so, fundamentally they are not particularly vicious and you have to give them that. If you have the motivation and the energy, you can reason with them. They are the ones people refer to, when they say things like “below that hard exterior, he has…” or "she's good at heart...". If you identify yourself here, congratulations! You're as as happy or as miserable as you are ever going to be. Unless you access your wicked gene looking for something more, and leave your pack to join the reveling-in-their-own-skin 9%.

The 9% are the ones we commonly call douchebags. They are the jerks who have come up with their own twisted philosophies and world views that allow them to go around poaching animals, backstabbing friends, cutting in line, honking when others are patient, and generally making arguments that nobody should be making. They are the ones who seemingly start the rot and set the rules of the game, which the 90% then unthinkingly play. They are the ones you do NOT think, are "...good at heart". While its hard to self-identify as part of this group, others can usually reliably locate you here. Existence is a breeze, and life is a party. So what's the flip side, right? Well, just one little thing. You better hope that something doesn't randomly flip your "conscience switch" one day. Because you can't actively guard against that no matter what. Its a high-risk, high-reward game here. And if/when that risk materializes, you've essentially been condemned to become part of the 1%.

And that brings us to the 1%. Those miserable souls who are neither here nor there. The ones who can see it all, can also see that nothing can be done about it, but still don’t want to willfully participate if they can help it. They are the ones who are the most screwed up. They become the poster children for the misery of the human condition. For them the stakes are even higher. Unless they find a way to cope with it, the morass is going to keep getting deeper and will eventually close in on them. And there is only one way they can hope to cope. Humor. Unless they are able to find real humor in the futility of the whole thing, they're going to be screwed in way nobody wants to be.

If you can’t truly, truly see the humor, the best you can do is try. Fake it till you make it. Because laughing something off is really only way you can square off something that doesn’t compute. The ones who know this and have some talent about them do what they can for the rest of the species.

If you still can’t find a way to laugh, the joke’s on you.

Kya kare zindagi, isko hum jo mile
Iski jaan kha gaye, raat-din ke gile
Raat-din gile…
Meri aarzoo...kameeni
Mere khwab bhi...kameeney
Ek dil se dosti thi,
Yeh huzoor bhi...kaminey
Kya kare zindagi, isko hum jo mile
Iski jaan kha gaye, raat-din ke gile

What can life really do now, now that something like me has happened to it! I’ve been an absolute pain in its butt with my constant questioning, and this perverted guilt complex. I am up to no good with nothing that I do. My ambition, my dreams, it’s all pure reprobate. I tried to keep to myself, but my heart turned out to be the biggest reprobate of them all!

Kabhi zindagi se maanga, pinjre mein chaand la do
Kabhi laalten deke, kaha aasmaan mein taango
Jeene ke sab qareeney,
The hamesha se kameeney
Kameeney, kameeney, kameeney, kameeney...
Meri daastaan...kameeni
Mere raastein...kameeney
Ek dil se dosti thi,
Yeh huzoor bhi...kaminey

I was the kind who went after what I wanted. And after I got it, I knew what a rascal I’d been. That took all the fun out of everything! All my ways have been nothing but but rotten. My whole story has been a tale of depravity. Every road I’ve ever taken has been unprincipled! And when I tried to mend my ways, I learned my heart is the biggest degenerate of them all!

Jiska bhi chehra chheela, andar se aur nikla
Maasoom sa kabootar, naacha to mor nikla
Kabhi hum kaminey nikle,
Kabhi doosre kaminey
Kameeney, kameeney, kameeney, kameeney...
Meri dosti...kameeni,
Mere yaar bhi...kameeney
Ek dil se dosti thi,
Yeh huzoor bhi...kameeney

But it’s not just me. Everyone I’ve ever met has been no different; every single person I’ve met has been two-faced. The most harmless and nicest people have shown their true colors with time. Sometimes I was the scoundrel, other times it was everyone else. My friendships have all been wretched, and I’ve been a terrible friend. But none of my friends have been any better. And when I tried to be by myself, guess who turned out to be the biggest troublemaker of them all…

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Remain as I am



...every one of 'em words rang true
And glowed like burning coal...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Khamosh sa afsana,
Paani se likha hota
Na tumne kaha hota,
Na humne suna hota
Khamosh sa afsana...

You shouldn't have said it. If you had to, you should have written it down. And used water for ink. A story never really penned...untold from your side, unheard from mine.


Dil ki baat na puchho,
Dil toh aata rahega
Dil behekata raha hai,
Dil behekata rahega
Dil ko tumne,
Kuchh samjhaya hota...

Don't fuss too much over a heart, it doesn't have a clue. It's been known to lead people into pickles and it's incorrigible. Perhaps if you had been around though, you might have been able to talk it down.

Sehme se rehte hai,
Jab yeh din dhalta hai
Ek diya bujhta hai,
Ek diya jalta hai
Tumne koi,
Deep jalaaya hota

Admittedly, it gets a little scary after dark. Some lamps do light up here and there, but others keep dimming out. If you were around, may be the lamps would just stay lit...

Kitne saahil dhoondey,
Koi na samne aaya
Jab majdhar mein doobey,
Saahil thaamne aaya
Tumne saahil
Pehle bichhaya hota

I needed a rock to hang on to, but I would even have grasped at a straw. Neither was to be found, though. And just as I was being devoured by the whirlpool, a monolith threw me a rope! It could not have been you; I like to think you'd have reached out much sooner...

Khamosh sa afsana,
Paani se likha hota
Na tumne kaha hota,
Na humne suna hota
Khamosh sa afsana...

If you couldn't let it lie, you really should have just written it down with water. And let it remain a non-story...unsaid, unheard, therefore unhappened.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year!

"Sometimes it's not enough to know the meaning of things. Sometimes we have to know what things don't mean as well. Like, what does it mean to not know what the person you love is capable of? Things fall apart, especially all the neat order of rules and laws. The way we look at the world is the way we really are. See it from a fair garden, everything looks cheerful. Climb to a higher plateau and you see plunder and murder. Truth and beauty are in the eye of the beholder. I stopped trying to figure everything out a long time ago.

If I know nothing else, I know at least one thing is true; that the sacred is in the ordinary. They tell you that everything is nonsense. Gravity is nonsense, relationships don't exist, jobs don't exist. Everything is up for grabs and there's no cause for anything. That's what they'd like you to believe. I guess you could say I was pushed downhill, but my fall from grace didn't end at the bottom of those stairs. It went on, and it seemed to go on forever. All of life is a balancing act, and we make choices between extremes. Conformity or freedom. Acceptance or doubt. Humility or ego. We have to make choices. People mistake fact for opinion. The easiest enemy to overcome is an opinionated one. Expect the worst, and you'll get it. That's about all he ever taught me. In jail, there are a lot of guilty guys who are innocent. Outside, there are a lot of innocent guys who are guilty.

All of us in some way are trying to kill time. But when it's all said and done, time, ends up killing us..."

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

I was thinking...
Of a series of dreams
Where nothing comes up to the top
Everything...
Stays down where it's wounded
And comes to a permanent stop
Wasn't thinking,
Of anything specific
Like in a dream,
When someone wakes up and screams
Nothing too very scientific
Just thinking,
Of a series of dreams

Thinking,
Of a series of dreams
Where the time and the tempo flies
And there's no exit,
In any direction
'Cept the one that you can't see with your eyes

Wasn't making,
Any great connection
Wasn't falling,
For any intricate schemes
Nothing,
That would pass inspection
Just thinking,
Of a series of dreams

Dreams where,
The umbrella is folded
And into the path you are hurled
And the cards are,
No good that you're holding
Unless they're from another world

In one, the surface was frozen
In another, I witnessed a crime
In one, I was running, and in another
All I seemed to be doing, was climb

Wasn't looking,
For any special assistance
Not going to any great extremes
I'd already,
Gone the distance
Just thinking, of a series of dreams

Friday, April 8, 2016

There’s a lovely delight in discovering an honest thought line and purpose in art. More so, when it is something that you have seen and appreciated several times before, but for different reasons each time. Even more so, when you realize how delicately layered and artfully constructed it is. The message is the same old; love, being out of sync, different pages, perspectives, and ultimately, the futility of the whole thing. And yet, when done right, it will always move.

Anyone who has listened to enough Hindi songs will know how tightly bound they are in structure, rhythm, melody and ‘role’. You have two singers, two actors, each taking turns at saying what they want. Completely parallel. By the end of the song, you realize they each had something to say but it is somewhat gratuitously put forth in song, so it makes for a good melody, more than anything else. That most of these songs make for fantastic listening is as much commentary about how devoid of context they are, as it is about how masterfully they are put together. Think of how many Hindi songs can be enjoyed by themselves as audio, in spite of them being designed to work as video. That says how pointless they are in the larger context of the story, premise and characters.

And then, every now and then, you have a song such as this. A song in which more than “what” is being said, it is the “how” that is infinitely more meaningful.

The melody and the powerful words aside, it is the subtle layering of the interaction of two opposing points of view that is more artful than anything.

It starts out with the woman whining about how she can’t do without him. She just can’t and she doesn’t know what to do about it. She says this over three lines. To which, all he has to say is that he is helpless. Notice how he doesn’t respond to her in structure. Not because there aren’t words available for that. But because, in life, sometimes all you can do is look someone straight in the eye, shrug your shoulders, and feel bad. Genuinely.

She:
Yeh dil tum bin, kahin lagta nahi, hum kya karein
Tasavvur mein koi basta nahi, hum kya karein
Tum hi keh do, ab aey jaan-e-wafa, hum kya karein

He:
Lutey dil mein diya jalta nahi, hum kya karein
Tum hi keh do, ab aey jaan-e-wafa, hum kya karein

But she doesn’t see it that way. She tries to appeal to him some more and draw him out and have a conversation. More words, more metaphors, more attempts to connect. This time over 5-6 lines instead of the previous 3.

She:
Kisi ke dil mein bas ke dil ko tadpana nahi achha
Nigahon ko jhalak de-de ke, chhup jaana nahi accha
Umeedon ke khile gulshan ko jhulsaana nahi accha
Humein tum bin, koi jachta nahi, hum kya karein
Tum hi keh do, ab aey jaan-e-wafa, hum kya karein

But he doesn’t have any new words for her. Even fewer than before, in fact. Basically nothing.

He:
Lutey dil mein diya jalta nahi, hum kya karein

But then, and this is where the video is so beautifully picturized, she turns her back very slowly. Not exactly accepting his weak position (as she sees it anyway) as valid. But more because there is no point hanging around. There is just no point! And that’s when he feels that he needs to break it down some more for her. Call it guilt, call it his sensitivity, whatever. But he puts together what he feels in some really powerful words. If he is going to make a clinching argument, this is it. If not, he can do no more. If you can feel his words in the pit of your stomach, it’s because that’s how good they are.

He:
Mohabbat kar to ley lekin, mohabbat raas aaye bhi.
Dilon ko bojh lagte hain, kabhi julfon ke saaye bhi…
Hazaaron gham hain iss duniya mein, apne bhi, paraaye bhi!
Mohabbat hee ka gham, tanha nahi, hum kya karein.
Tum hi keh do, ab aey jaan-e-wafa, hum kya karein.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t fly with her, and now she retreats to her original position; no matter what, she just can’t do without him. Saying the same thing again. The poetic equivalent of putting parenthesis around his carefully composed argument and multiplying it by a big fat 0.

She:
Yeh dil tum bin, kahin lagta nahi, hum kya karein

But she doesn’t totally ignore his argument. She goes on to tell him how he needs to go this way or that. Notice, there is progress in the conversation, but only infinitesimal. She is putting forth a counter to his initial argument. And he doesn’t really disagree with her there in principle. It’s just that he can’t do it! So unfortunately, all he can say to her is, “too bad”.

She:
Bujhaa do aag dil ki ya, ise khul kar hawa de do
He:
Jo iska moal de paaye, use apni wafaa de do

At which point she comes out and lays it down real thick. “Leave aside all your BS and just tell me what it is going to be”. An ultimatum. And cue for him to retreat to his initial argument. ”I am helpless”, says he, like a stuck needle.

She:
Tumhare dil mein kya hain, bass, humein itna bate de do
Ke ab tanha safar, katata nahin, hum kya karein
He:
Lutey dil mein diya jalta nahi, hum kya karein
She:
Yeh dil tum bin, kahin lagta nahi, hum kya karein

And one beautiful song later, we are back to where we started. Just, not quite. Like life.

There are approximately 3 times in the last 50 years when you can say Dharmendra has acted well. This has to be one of them. Playing the apparent aggressor in a relationship and still being able to draw sympathy, points to a great job done. In real life, that is almost impossible to pull off. In the song, he does that remarkably well because you can see past the shallow hurter-hurtee dynamic and into the honesty and genuine helplessness of his position. Very believably pulled off.

Tanuja, for her part, carries herself like the real beauty she always has been. Great poise, very balanced, almost never over-the-top, graceful, honest, and beautiful in a way that is more personality than looks. Even if you manage to be neutral and objective and grant his position as valid, you just want to smack him on the head once you see who he is doing that to. She is that personable.

The subtle symbology of backs turned, walking past, walking towards and away from each other, and coming close, based on what is being said in the argument is just very well done.

As for the music itself, love it or hate it, Lata is flawless. Rafi is authoritatively on the money like every time. Sahir Ludhianvi, who has written the song, obviously knew what he was doing. And the way the words fit in, in rhythm and in context, leaves almost no room for critiquing the music. Enough said, enough not said.

On an unrelated point, songs like these are where subtleties in a culture that are masked at other times, come to the fore. For all the amazing things they do, you can’t expect a Hollywood to come up with this kind of a product or treatment, for example. At the end of it, you almost want to watch the movie to find out what is going on exactly and how it plays out. FYI, I have watched this movie and it is no great shakes. But all that is besides the point.

It is incredible how impactful simplicity can be, if it is conceived well. This is something that gets said too often and has almost lost all meaning by now. But every now and then, you come across a song such as this and you can’t help but purse your lips tight in a frown, and shake your head to yourself.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Je ne sais quoi

For someone who claims to live life as objectively as possible, trusting only that which can be known with an overwhelming certainty, I sure am a bad ambassador for the cause when it comes to believing in the romanticism of the unknown. A sixth sense of sorts. Instinct, perhaps. Sure, I don’t live my life based on that, but I definitely feel this ever-present sense of predictability around me, that is quite dependable even though I may choose to not depend on it. And it is not like I have figured it out or anything. But every now and then, way too often actually, I have these a-ha moments where I know in my mind but can't say for certain, rationally, and sure enough, that’s exactly how it plays out!

It happens even with the simplest of things. The music I like. The talks I have. What I read, what I see, what I hear...Words have personality, and they drop all kinds of hints. It is why you expect certain people to say certain things. It is why some words sound so right, coming out of some people’s mouths but not out of others’. Because they sort of belong there. And you can’t say why. But you know.

I consider myself to have a much keener eye, ear, or a third hitherto unknown sensibility, for the written/spoken/sung word than most people I know. That is not necessarily a good or a bad thing. But I have always realized or felt this about myself; that I can glean more meaning out of words than most people can. I can go back as far as I can remember and I can say it has always been like that. Not that I thought much of it and I still don’t. But I can sense that there are different levels of communication in what is written. There is a lot of meaning packed into every piece of writing; from the most mundane email to the most profound philosophy. And sure, everyone knows that is true in an existential, or a metaphysical way, but I am talking about something very real here. Almost objective! Like I can read a piece of writing from someone I have never heard of before and I can imagine a picture of what the person looks like, based purely on the writing, what they must really be thinking when they wrote it, and what they really meant to say. And a very disturbing number of times, that is way closer to how it really is than you’d think a random guess would be. When I find that out, that’s the a-ha moment.

As you’d expect, a weird thing such as this is very hard to communicate, ordinarily. It is much harder of course, to find an irrefutable validation of this sense. But once in a blue moon, that unknown sense picks up a blip somewhere, and you know you're on to something.

I love the way certain people write and talk. Some are extremely accomplished, some equally obscure, some in between. Bob Dylan, Jonathan Saffran Foer, Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, Leonardo DiCaprio, Adam Duritz, Allen Ginsberg, Pu La Deshpande, Gulzar…they just have a way with words. And I am pretty convinced it is more than just my preference or taste or style. I feel like they are just superior writers, objectively. Because when I read their work, I can trace a thought line. A personality. A genuine streak. A certain authenticity. I don’t just like how they write; I agree with how they think. Ever notice how people are mostly consistent within themselves? For example, people who are generally happy, fun, personable are almost never right-leaning, conservatives or hardliners. Why is that? Why are people with soft voices almost always gentle people? Why are people in art generally more liberal in their views than say, people in money jobs? Why is it so hard to find a painter who despises gays, but not so hard to find a bureaucrat who hates them? Why can you look at a person’s face and get a vibe of how their personality is going to be? Why can you feel very strongly about how a meeting or an interview is going to play out the moment you enter the room? Why does your instinct tell you that a person is good or bad, the very first time you meet them? Because, people do all kinds of things to give themselves away. And we pick up on that even if only subconsciously. Science might not be fully there yet, and we might not have put our finger on how that works exactly. For me, that streak, the one that gives everything away, is very pronounced when I read a person’s writing.

Coming back to the list of my favorite writers. I always liked all of them. But more than me just liking their work, I sort of felt they come from the same place. There is a clear common thread. For example, I have been a crazy fan of old Hindi classics. I love it as an art form. And there is a bevy of stalwarts there, when you think of it in toto. But I can pick a Gulzar song out of a lineup. Heck, I can pick out Gulzar lines from a movie! And not just because the quality of his writing is head and shoulders above anybody else’s. But mostly because it rings way truer than others. Because he uses just the right words. And nobody else, even if they used the exact same words, would sound nearly as true as him. Also, every time I hear a Gulzar, it feels like I have heard it all before in a Dylan song. And there are Dylan songs that sound like Gulzar could have written them. Same with Pu La and Jerry. And sure, people can have similar thought lines and writing styles; that in itself is hardly astonishing. But there is just more to it…I somehow sense it, but there is no way I can articulate it. It is almost like these people are part of the same superhero posse, operating individually in different parts of the world, and trying hard to not give away any connections between themselves.

And then, when I come across a solid, irrefutable connection, there is this overwhelming sense of vindication. An a-ha moment.

I was around 8 when I heard “Ballimarran ke mohallon ki vo pecheeda daleelon ki si galiyan” from the Mirza Ghalib TV series on national TV and thought it sounded strange. Didn’t know anything about what it meant, who wrote it or anything. It just sounded strange. Maybe it had something to do with that deep husky voice that voiced it out. But it was strange enough for me to remember. I probably heard it a few times over the next 15 years and always thought it was strange. When I was old enough to think about what it could mean, breaking it down word by word, it still didn’t make much sense. But it sounded strangely beautiful. Or beautifully strange. Ballimarran was obviously a place. Mohalla would be a community or a neighborhood. Pecheeda means difficult. Daleel means an appeal. And galiyaan means lanes. But all put together, what could it mean? Lanes of a Ballimarran neighborhood like difficult appeals? What the hell could that mean? And why did it sound so right?

And then, I stumble upon a Gulzar interview, where he incidentally talks of this very same line! It was hair raising to hear him say that he loved this line! And how he couldn’t take the credit for it himself. By his own admission, he had picked up the line from a TS Eliot piece that went,‘...these streets run complicated, like tedious arguments’. Of course! Ballimarran ke mohallon ki vo pecheeda daleelon ki si galliyan! What a beautiful way to put it! That's exactly how navigating complicated, crowded streets feels like. Like having to work through a painful argument! Or the other way round, if you will. You can't speed it up, you can't afford to not focus, and you just can't be at peace! To compare complicated, narrow lanes with tedious arguments divulges a personality! Perfect! And I knew there was something about that line since I was 8, before I knew who Gulzar was, who TS Eliot was, or what any of it meant! I just knew it! An a-ha moment!

To connect the dots some more, I know all too well about how Dylan is influenced heavily by TS Eliot as well! Ginsberg influenced and was influenced by Dylan. Duritz too. All of them are Jewish. Maybe just a coincidence? Talking about alleged coincidences, how about this one? Leonardo DiCaprio played the lead role in Titanic. Dylan decided to write a song about the Titanic around 15 years after the movie, and in his song, decided to mention “Leo and his sketchbook” as a fictional character on the ship, as a playful cross reference to the movie. And then, they find out, after the song was out, that there actually was a passenger aboard the real Titanic, who died in the tragedy, who’s name was Leo Zimmerman. Bob Dylan’s real last name is Zimmerman. Maybe still a coincidence. Maybe not. Oh, and I happened to watch the movie when it came out in 3D. Purely by happenstance, I was watching it on April 14, 2012. Which just happened to be exactly 100 years after the real Titanic sank. I was sitting in the theater, watching it all in 3D (almost real life, as they sell it), when exactly 100 years ago, it was actually happening, in real life! Maybe I am fishing too much here and grasping at straws to form a coherent thread that says I don’t know what, but it is something! Especially for someone who believes that there is no such thing as coincidences, just random chaos.

The larger point remains. It goes beyond music and Dylan and Gulzar. It goes beyond how I can sense with at least mildly surprising accuracy when someone is going to screw someone over. The point is that there is a very evident, noticeable, perhaps covert force that science has not been able to pin down yet. Everyone knows science and rationality are still nascent. They will probably always play catch up with humanity. Even though we haven’t been able to pin something down yet, can we still acknowledge it and believe it exists?

To quote Dylan “…you know something is happening, but you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?”

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

When your mother sends back all your invitations
And your father, to your sister he explains
That you're tired of yourself and all of your creations
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Now, when all of the flower ladies want back what they have lent you
And the smell of their roses does not remain
And all of your children start to resent you
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Now, when all the clowns that you have commissioned
Have died in battle or in vain
And you're sick of all this repetition
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

When all of your advisers heave their plastic
At your feet to convince you of your pain
Trying to prove that your conclusions should be more drastic
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Now, when all of the bandits that you turned your other cheek to
Have laid down their bandannas and complained
And you want somebody you don't have to speak to
Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?
Ah won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Friday, October 31, 2014

Well the pressure's down, the boss ain't here
He gone North, for a while
They say that vanity got the best of him
But he sure left here in style
By the way, that's a cute hat
And that smile's so hard to resist
But what's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?

You know, I once knew a woman who looked like you
She wanted a whole man, not just a half
She used to call me sweet daddy when I was only a child
You kind of remind me of her when you laugh
In order to deal in this game, got to make the queen disappear
It's done with a flick of the wrist
What's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?

You know, a woman like you should be at home
That's where you belong
Taking care for somebody nice
Who don't know how to do you wrong
Just how much abuse will you be able to take?
Well, there's no way to tell by that first kiss
What's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?

You know you can make a name for yourself
You can hear them tires squeal
You can be known as the most beautiful woman
Who ever crawled across cut glass, to make a deal.

You know, news of you has come down the line
Even before you came in the door
They say in your father's house, there's many mansions
Each one of them got a fireproof floor
Snap out of it baby, people are jealous of you
They smile to your face, but behind your back they hiss
What's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?

They say that oppression is a cruel tutor
And injustice is a nurse
You put your hand in somebody's who's nose can't smell
But you put your confidence in him, and that's worse

Got to be an important person to be in here, honey
Got to have done some evil deed
Got to have your own harem, when you come in the door
Got to play your harp until your lips bleed.
They say that patriotism is the last refuge
To which a scoundrel clings
Steal a little and they throw you in jail
Steal a lot and they make you king
There's only one step down from here, baby
It's called the land of permanent bliss
What's a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this?

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Iss mod se jaate hain
Kuchh sust-kadam raste,
Kuchh tez-kadam raahein...

Patthar ki haveli ko,
Sheeshe ke gharondon mein,
Tinko ke nasheman tak,
Iss mod se jaate hain...

Aandhi ki tarah udd kar,
Ek raah guzarti hain;
Sharmaati hui koi,
Kadamonse utarti hain

Inn reshmi raahon mein,
Ek raah to woh hogi...
Tum tak jo pahunchti hain,
Iss mod se jaati hain

Ek door se aati hain,
Paas aake palatati hain;
Ek raah akeli si,
Rukti hain na chalti hain...

Yeh soch ke baithi hoon,
Ek raah to woh hogi...
Tum tak jo pahunchti hain,
Iss mod se jaati hain

Iss mod se jaate hain,
Kuchh sust-kadam raste,
Kuchh tez-kadam raahein...

Patthar ki haveli ko,
Sheeshe ke gharondon mein,
Tinko ke nasheman tak,
Iss mod se jaate hain...

Tuesday, January 14, 2014


I'm searching for phrases
To sing your praises
I need to tell someone
It's soon after midnight
And my day has just begun

A gal named Honey
Took my money
She was passing by
It's soon after midnight
And the moon is in my eye

My heart is cheerful
It's never fearful
I've been down on the killing floors
I'm in no great hurry
I'm not afraid of your fury
I've faced stronger walls than yours

Charlotte's a harlot
Dresses in scarlet
Mary dresses in green
It's soon after midnight
And I've got a date with the fairy queen

They chirp and they chatter
What does it matter?
They'll lie and they'll die in their blood
Two timing slim
Who's ever heard of him?
I'll drag his corpse through the mud

It's now or never
More than ever
When I met you, I didn't think you would do
It's soon after midnight
And I don't want nobody but you

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

I don't want to cheapen the emotion by putting up some dreary superlatives and then describing how they fall short. I don't want to say something just because if I don't, it means I have nothing to say. I very much do. More valuable than all those reams of claptrap that have been spewed over the last 2 weeks…and those that are on their way to achieve new levels of meaninglessness in another 3 weeks' time. So in the middle of this relative lull, while dictionaries are being devoured by those who can write, in a quest to discover an adjective not used to death over the last 25 years, I will say what I must.

It sucks. For me. The fact that Sachin is officially walking away, well and truly does suck for me. I don't want to restate clichés about being from the generation that didn't have any other relevant heroes. I could not care less for that generation. However, as a kid, like a million other kids perhaps, I had built up my own subconscious mechanism of choosing the 'right' way when faced with any situation: 'What would Sachin do?' It may have been stupid. It may have been a way to externalize a 'nice guy' persona and project it on someone who was universally acknowledged as one. Whatever. But it still helped me never do anything that made it difficult to live with myself…for all my colossal teenaged dilemmas. It helped me rely solely on what I had and not turn to anyone for favors. It helped me not copy in exams. It helped me not jump red lights. It helped me never cheat. It helped me not be a douche generally. I can almost say I try and do things that way, to this day.

I wonder if I'd have been a different person, had I not grown up watching the nice guy win. Now, I don't really know if Sachin is a 'nice guy' or if he would do things a certain way off the field. So assumptions aside…what Sachin did do for sure was point out that the elusive middle path exists. In a society that either turns reflexively towards irrelevant extremes like the Gandhian way, or resigns and caves hopelessly when faced with a challenge too big to handle, Sachin carved his groove on that thin line. You need to give as good as you get, he said…but you also need to do it with poise. If you care enough to fight hard but fair, egos break easier than bones. And they don't fuck around with you after that. You simply stand up and do what you know you can. And while everybody already knew this as 'that virtue you find solace in after you lose', Sachin showed you can actually win that way.

He did all this for me. He did much more too. To this day, my blood boils when I see hypocritical scum that stands for everything Sachin does not, associate itself with him to nosh off of him. All those bottom feeders who have ever stood next to him in a picture or who have ever said they were his fans and how he is a great role model, make me want to grab a gun. And yet, in a lot of ways, Sachin has shown how you can coexist with shit without having absolutely anything to do with it. I can now smile, the same smile Sachin smiles, when I come across any of the countless douchebag poseurs I unfortunately have in my own life. Everyday, in a lot of ways, the most relevant question still remains 'What would Sachin do?'

I hate smudging my focus here, but it really makes me shudder at how much more awful things are going to be. When kids grow up believing you should do whatever it takes to get what you want. When ends are valued more than means, since that angle works better for just about everyone. I shudder at how awful things are going to be cuz there sure as hell won't be any Sachin to root for the right thing tomorrow. Not a winner anyway. And unless someone really steps up, we're all set to create a world that would one day have you believe 'Sachin has become an irrelevant idea' and 'he wouldn't last a day in today's world'.

My first reaction to finding out he's walking away was 'why can't he just stop playing…why does he have to walk away?' It wasn't like he was playing a great deal of cricket anyway. Couldn't he just hang around for another, I dunno, 15 years and just not play? Why does he have to announce that he won't be around! I hate using the term 'retirement' with Sachin…cuz everyone else retires…Sachin must surely do better. In time, this denial will give way to some useless wisdom and I'll make my peace with a world that just turned a darker shade of crappy. Nothing surprising there…but while Sachin has chosen to walk away, it is perhaps time for me to process what happened exactly…because whatever happened, for the first time in 25 years, my question seems to have returned a 'He'd say he's had enough'.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Well I got a couple more years on you babe
And that's all
I've had more chances to fly
And more places to fall
Ain't that I am wiser,
I've just spent more time
With my back to the wall
And I picked up a couple more years on you babe
But that's all

Well I have been down more roads than you babe
And that's all
And I am tired of running
When you're only learning to crawl
You're heading somewhere
But I've been that somewhere
Found out, it's nowhere at all
And I picked up a couple more years on you babe
But that's all

These words were unfinished since you were born babe,
And that's all
So I thought I'd play out of my league
And put on some gall
I've lived more winters to know
How scathing the winds blow
While you still forget to carry a shawl
And I picked up a couple more years on you babe
But that's all

Friday, September 20, 2013


If there is anything I hate, it is this awareness. This consciousness of how thoughts—perfectly pure, fluid, succinct, and coherent in my head—freeze up into a confused flux somewhere along their way to my voice box, the awareness of syllables clogging up at my throat. My tongue gets heavy and it is much less painful to just disconnect that mess from my brain and let it float unuttered in a nameless, placeless ocean; islands let adrift. Unfortunately, I am fast running out of ocean...

I want to say thousands of things to you. Beyond what I do. God only knows where I am even going to find the ether to say them, given that I am wont to filling up all the static that is ever to be found between us. It is a shame that more important, real things end up being compromised. There has never been a suitable moment to say how much that smile means to me. Or to explain why your eyes look so blue. My chest tightens when I wonder how I am ever going to express my adoration for all things innocent, loveable, simple, and clean. You think I have no fears. I want to tell you that when fears turn real, they become something else. Something more scary, something less worrisome. But there is never a right moment to say all this.

In a world where cities devour people and imitation love is celebrated, you managed to slice your way through. And my plight is that I can't even say what it means to me. You say I am your pillar, your grounding stone. Some day, when I find words good enough, I am going to tell you the difference between a pillar and a scaffold.

Kisses turn to poison and engines sputter to a halt, babe. And while tonight you don't look any more hurtful than a fawn, I am still going to pray. I am too old to tell you I will make everything alright; but I am also young enough to tell you there is nothing I won't do for you. While you can put me down for any number of things, you can't fault where my heart's at. With any luck, from my side, I will end up never hurting you.

So on this all-too-familiar day, when my words won't yield, my diction has gone into hiding, and even my finger tips are almost refusing to oblige, all I can do is close my eyes and believe there will be a right moment, on a better day. And when I come up with the words, maybe you'll still have good use for them…

Monday, August 5, 2013

The evening was revving up alright
Nothing that belonged in the shadows was out
The music did a good job drowning whispers
And there was nobody who cared enough to shout
But in the corner the clock wound down so slow,
As reality leaked into the dream
Only one way this would play out now,
And words couldn't describe that scheme
Although a picture came to mind, I suppose…
That of a zipper that just wouldn't close

People, they all had something to celebrate
Some could've easily been wearing fur
Some I saw come with gifts,
Me, I just came with a disclaimer
I know I’m saying it right,
So don’t you wonder why I paused
No offense was ever meant, of course
But heaps of it was caused,
In fact, it was quite a heavy dose,
Like a zip that just won't close

We've measured distance in lifetimes,
Now we’ll just count it in miles
Don’t fret needlessly baby,
Life is rarely worth it’s while
First throw a rug over it
Then weep while it rots
I’m just gonna do what I should've all along…
Act on the first echo of my thoughts
And not be an obsessed old tailor who sews
Trying to fix a zip that doesn't close

The ticket girl’s gonna ask with a smile
“When would you like to pay the price?
It sure looks steep right now, doesn't it?
But be warned, any later, you’ll be paying twice”
As the planes take off beyond the wall
Now they don’t look up to code
Is that why it feels young lady,
Like your head is gonna explode?
Your shoes too are splitting at your toes,
Looking like that zip that just won’t close

Thursday when you are ready to board
Announcements all around
Once you've checked in, you gotta walk on
No help onwards to be found
The whispers in your head will get louder tomorrow
Tonight, go ahead, wrestle the gavel
Now this ain't nothing, but common sense
That it’s never a good idea to travel
With so much baggage that it shows
Through a zip that just won’t close

“Choose very wisely”, your game-host said
“Here’s a couple of stones”
“One of them’s precious, as precious can be
Something only a princess owns”
You picked one up without much thought
And now it’s just gathering moss
You bought high, you’re selling low
Face it, you’re booking a loss
And don’t you forget them inevitable throes
That come with a zip that doesn't close

The weather has long changed now
Even that shrug has turned a hopeless sigh
I swear the closest thing to the truth
I could tell you was a lie
That corner of sunshine has shrunk a lot
The moon too has bailed on its rise
The risk you run with your head in the clouds
Is that they often condense in your eyes
I’d imagine a fate like that sure blows
Like a zip that does not close

Saturday, April 20, 2013

You wouldn’t know what I am talking about, because only I could see those intermittent flashes of light bouncing off of your face. More like peeling off. Peeling off like they didn’t want to leave. Every moment that a beam lingered on your face for seemed to brush a tiny bit of weariness away. The effort you were putting in to sing in key was intense…but woefully inadequate. I’ve heard very few people sing as badly. Of course, I would never break that to you. I would on another day, but not that one. Innocence has a tune but it sounds out of key, I realized. So I let you be. We laughed at a silly thing. Different laughs—yours that sounded like a question; mine that sounded like it didn’t have an answer.

 

On a journey that couldn’t have gone on long enough, the best I could do was pray that there wouldn’t be a fork in the road.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Denise, Denise,
Gal, what's on your mind?
Denise, Denise,
Gal, what's on your mind?
You've got your eyes closed, babe
But heaven knows that you ain't blind.

Well, I can see you smiling,
But oh your mouth is inside out.
I can see you smiling,
But you're smiling inside out.
Well, I know you're laughin'
But what are you laughin' about?

Well, if you're tryin' to throw me,
Babe, I've already been tossed.
If you're tryin' to throw me,
Babe, I've already been tossed.
You're tryin' to lose me
But babe, I'm already lost.

Well, what are you doing,
Are you flying or have you flipped?
Oh, what are you doing,
Are you flying or have you flipped?
Well, you call my name
And then you say your tongue just slipped.

Denise, Denise,
Are you for sale, or just on the shelf?
Denise, Denise,
Are you for sale, or just on the shelf?
I looked deep in your eyes, babe,
And all I could see was myself.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Up over the head-high wall
There were crackles of laugh and lie
So looks like I'm back
With nothing much to say
Although I'm always up for another try

Balance is an illusion
I've given up pretending to stand
It's been sixty four weeks,
Since I yearned for your lips
And since you thoughtlessly shook my hand

Next time someone's drowning in a lake,
Try throwing out a rope 'stead of an anchor
Who knows, this time, next life, baby
You could be cash and I could be a banker

Can you tell the difference between a hug that's tight
And a strangle that they deal very faint?
Remember what I said
After I understood what I read
When you were busy fighting your demons with nail paint

Don't know what rules games are played by
Not sure if it's ever tit for tat
Same time, next life, baby
I just hope the opposite of this won't be that

We played the convincing game one time
I said "For you, I promise to jump and kiss the sky"
"Promise?" She asked me right back
In a way that threw me off-track
"Isn't that just another name for a lie?"

Now I'm known to do everything silly
Though gun to my head, I'll rather dance than sing
Maybe this time, next life, baby
We won't even owe each other anything

Now dead horses, they won't be your pet
Same reason, a soiled rag can't be clean
And slayers sometimes ride a crutch
These situations are a deceptive bunch
You know even an orange is sometimes green

Now time is just not playing out right,
Both our worlds have gone wrong too
But this time, next life, baby
You see what you can do...

Monday, March 19, 2012

Seen a shooting star tonight,
And I thought of you
You were trying to break into another world,
A world I never knew
I always kind of wondered,
If you ever made it through
Seen a shooting star tonight,
And I thought of you.

Seen a shooting star tonight,
And I thought of me
If I am still the same, or I ever became,
What you wanted me to be
Did I miss the mark,
Or overstep the line that only you could see
Seen a shooting star tonight,
And I thought of me.

Listen to the engine, listen to the bell
As the last fire truck, from hell
Goes rolling by, all good people are praying
It's the last temptation, the last account
Last time you'll hear the, sermon on the mount
Last radio is playing...

Seen a shooting star tonight,
Slip away
Tomorrow will be,
Another day
Guess it's too late to say the things to you,
That you needed to hear me say
Seen a shooting star tonight,
Slip away.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Tell me,
Tell me, I've got to know.
Tell me,
Tell me, before I go.
Does that flame still burn?
Does that fire still glow?
Or has it died away
And melted like the snow?
Tell me.
Tell me.

Tell me,
What are you focused upon?
Tell me,
What I'll know better after you're gone.
Tell me quick
With a glance or a sigh
Shall I hold you close?
Or let you go by?
Tell me.
Tell me.

Is that the heat and the beat
Of your pulse that I feel?
If it's not that,
What is it you're trying to conceal?
Do you have any secrets
That will only come out in time?
Do you lie in your bed
And stare at the stars?
Is your main friend an old known
Acquaintance of ours?
Tell me.
Tell me.

Tell me,
Are those rock and roll dreams in your eyes?
Tell me,
Behind what door your treasure lies.
Ever gone broke in a big way?
Ever done the opposite of what the experts say?
Tell me.
Tell me.

Is this some kind of game
That you're playin' with my heart?
How deep must I go,
Where do I start?
Do you have any morals?
Do you have any point of view?
Is that a smile
I see on your face?
Will it lead me to glory
Or lead me to disgrace?
Tell me.
Tell me.

Tell me
Is that my name in your book?
Tell me
Should I come back and take another look?
Tell me the truth,
Don't you tell me no lies.
Are you anyone, someone
Prays for or cries?
Tell me.
Tell me.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

"All you have left are moments, fragments of images swimming in and out of focus: delicate fingers gliding along the piano, wrapping around a cup of steaming tea, pulling back a strand of unruly hair. The sharp ring of wind chimes distracts you momentarily and you look up, straining to feel the breeze. A pitter-patter announces the dog’s clumsy arrival; that dog, the one she called about in the middle of night, the one she cried over, the one she still misses. A thousand walks blur into one and you feel her fingers slide between yours. You squeeze reflexively, but her hand slips away. You remember a line from Junot Díaz: “It’s never the changes we want that change everything.”"

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Everything went from bad to worse,
Money never changed a thing,
Death kept following, tracking us down,
At least I heard your bluebird sing.
Now somebody's got to show their hand,
Time is an enemy,
I know you're long gone,
I guess it must be up to me.

If I'd thought about it, I never would've done it,
I guess I would've let it slide,
If I'd have paid attention, to what others were thinkin',
The heart inside me would've died.
I was just too stubborn, to ever be governed
By enforced insanity,
Someone had to reach for the rising star,
I guess it was up to me.

Oh, the Union Central is pullin' out
The orchids are in bloom,
I've only got me one good shirt left
And it smells of stale perfume.
In fourteen months I've only smiled once
And I didn't do it consciously,
Somebody had to find your trail,
I guessed it was up to me.

It was like a revelation
When you betrayed me with your touch,
I'd just about convinced myself
That nothin' had changed that much.
The all rounder in the iron mask
Slipped me the master key,
Somebody had to unlock your heart,
He said it was up to me.

Well, I watched you slowly disappear
Down into the officers' club,
I would've followed you in the door
But I didn't have a ticket stub.
So I waited all night 'til the break of day,
Hopin' one of us could get free,
When the dawn came over the river bridge,
I knew it was up to me.

Oh, the only decent thing I did
When I worked as a postal clerk
Was to haul your picture down off the wall
Near the cage where I used to work.
Was I a fool or not
To protect your real identity?
You looked a little burned out, my friend,
I thought it might be up to me.

Well, I met somebody face to face
I had to remove my hat,
She's everything I need and love
But I can't be swayed by that.
It frightens me, the awful truth
Of how sweet life can be,
But she ain't a-gonna make me move,
I guess it was gonna be up to me.

We both heard the sermon on the mount
And I knew it was too complex,
It didn't amount to anything more
Than what the broken glass reflects.
When you bite off more than you can chew
You gotta pay the penalty,
Somebody's got to tell the tale,
I guess it must be up to me.

Well, Dupree came in pimpin' tonight
To the Thunderbird Cafe,
Crystal wanted to talk to him,
I had to look the other way.
Well, I just can't rest without you, love,
I need your company,
But you weren't a-gonna cross the line,
I guessed it was up to me.

There's a note left in the bottle,
You can give it to Estelle,
She's the one you been wond'rin' about,
But there's really nothin' much to tell.
We both heard voices for a while,
Now the rest is history,
Somebody's got to cry some tears,
I guess it must be up to me.

So go on, boys, and play your hands,
Life is a pantomime,
The ringleaders from the county seat
Say you don't have all that much time.
And the girl with me behind the shades,
She ain't my property,
One of us has got to hit the road,
I guess it must be up to me.

And if we never meet again,
Baby, remember me,
How my lone guitar played sweet for you
That old-time melody.
And the harmonica around my neck,
I blew it for you, free,
No one else could play that tune,
You knew it was up to me.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I had a lot of chores to take care of
I made a list of people to meet
A shopkeeper, a professor, bus conductor,
A journalist, a weatherman, and a priest
Between all of them, I’d find the answer
To why some people fill gaps with giggles
And thus began the day
When my soul got smashed to pickles

I’ve always loved hearing from the horse’s mouth
So I got my news straight from the journo
“If you step back and quit bugging me”, he said
“I’ll tell you everything I know
A whistle blew so shrill today
It made me think of you my dear,
Nothing profound, but the news I’ve got
Is just what you’re afraid to hear”

With my palms sweating I scrammed away
Had a store to go to, to return a gift
I looked the shopkeeper in the eye and said
“Oh how easily we shift!”
“What I offered wasn’t spotless baby”
He reasoned, “It was a slightly off-key tune
But it wasn’t impure like promise babe,
It was sweetly mottled like the moon”

Shaking my head, I walked away
Thought some science would do me good
So I walked up to a professor and said
“I hope that telescope ain’t made of wood”
He laughed, “Look, there’s something in the sky
Don't come here you can see it from there
It’s burning like everything you ever said
That’s still hanging in the air”

By now I was depressed with everything around
The weather forecast was my only hope
I seeked the weatherman out and cried
“Please throw me your longest rope”
“I’d love to but I can’t in this weather
Tonights gonna be mad, rumbling skies
Incantations will flood one side of the road,
On the other, moondrops will drip from some eyes.”

Right then the answer dawned on me
Maybe the earth would heal my scars
But the priest hinted, “Even gravity takes sides
It's biased towards falling stars
Deliverance is cool, but it makes you weak
People failing you makes you harden
Look at that artsy gal out there
Who was failed at art in kindergarten”

With no cheer, I began walking toward a bus
But it just kept moving away
Furious as coal, I cursed the conductor
“What the hell did you just say?”
“Oh, if I ever said "Leave", I musta meant "Stay"
But now I have no new words
Put a necktie on that scarecrow all you want,
It's no damn difference to the birds”

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Bahot door mujhe chale jaana hai
Bahot nazdeek mujhe aana hai
Teri baahon mein mujhe
Aaj mar jaana hai
Kissi ko iss jagah pe nahin aana hai
Kissi ko iss jagah se nahin jaana hai
Teri baahon mein mujhe
Aaj mar jaana hai

Jaane mile ya na mile
Phir aesi tanhaayi
Dil ki lagi le ne lagi
Seene mein angdaayi
Mujhko chhupa le
Dil mein basaa le
Dekh bura
Yeh zamana hai
Kissi ko iss jagah pe nahin aana hai
Kissi ko iss jagah se nahin jaana hai
Teri baahon mein mujhe
Aaj mar jaana hai

Kya zindagi kat jaayegi
Bas teri yaadon mein
Yeh raat bhi dhal jaayegi
Kya yoon hi waadon mein
Armaan nikle
Ya jaan nikle
Pyaar mera
Deewana hai
Kissi ko iss jagah pe nahin aana hai
Kissi ko iss jagah se nahin jaana hai
Teri baahon mein mujhe
Aaj mar jaana hai

Mere badan mein oh sajan
Jaagi ek chingaari
Toot jaayegi jal jaayegi
Iss mein duniya saari
Iss ko bujha de
Shola banaa de
Kehta yeh
Parwana hai
Bahot door mujhe chale jaana hai
Bahot nazdeek mujhe aana hai
Teri baahon mein mujhe
Aaj mar jaana hai

Bahot door mujhe chale jaana hai
Bahot nazdeek mujhe aana hai
Teri baahon mein mujhe
Aaj mar jaana hai

Saturday, August 27, 2011

The air had gotten noticeably thicker. So thick that his words were not being able to make it through. He couldn't even see through it. It felt like being stuck in an awful dream where situations seem real but details are bizarre. His mind was spewing thoughts in a frenzy but his diction wasn't being able to keep pace. Thoughts lined up at the base of his tongue, waiting to be articulated. They kept piling up into a lump in his throat, choking him. Soon, they fused into one glob of gibberish that dribbled out of his mouth in a continuous stream of goo. All of them fluxed together. The truth, the sadness, the tragedy, the laughs, the tears, the memories, the dreams, the imagination...all of it commingled shabbily into one slimy ball. He wanted to scream them all out at the same time. Some thoughts that couldn't make it out even through the goo, made their way out of his eyes.

The heavy air and the clouds inside his eyes made it more difficult for him to see. He felt each of his senses waning more and more. Dying away. Had he been able to force himself on the situation and get it all together in that moment, it would have been a different world from there. But this was perfect too...perfect in the context of this world he was living in, where nothing was right. Everything about the moment was going so wrong that it couldn't have belonged to a different world.

"Well, I don't know" he simply said. And blinked furiously so he could clear the water from his eyes and watch out for that ditch in the tarmac.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

She:
Oh, I'm sailin' away, my own true love
I'm sailin' away in the morning
Is there something I can send you, from across the sea
From the place that I'll be landing?

He:
No, there's nothing you can send me my own true love
There's nothing I'm wishin' to be ownin'
Just a-carry yourself back to me unspoiled
From across that lonesome ocean.

She:
Ah, but I just thought, you might want something fine
Made of silver or of golden
Either from the mountains of Madrid
Or the coast of Barcelone

He:
Oh but if I had the stars of the darkest night
And the diamonds from the deepest ocean,
I'd forsake them all, for your sweet kiss,
For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'

She:
But I might be gone a long old time,
And it's only that I'm askin'
Is there something I can send you, to remember me by,
To make your time more easy passin'?

He:
Oh how can, how can, you ask me again?
You know it only brings me sorrow.
The same thing I would want today
I would want again tomorrow.

Oh I got a letter on a lonesome day.
It was from her ship, its sailin'
Sayin' "I don't know when I'll be comin' back again.
It depends on how I'm feelin'"

If you, my love, must think that a'way
I'm sure your mind, it is roaming
I'm sure your thoughts are not with me
But with the country to where you're going

So take heed, take heed, of the western winds
Take heed of the stormy weather
And yes, there's something you can send back to me,
Spanish boots of,
Spanish leather

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Working all day for a mean little man
With a clip-on tie and a rub-on tan
He's got me running 'round the office like a dog around a track
But when I get back home,
You're always there to rub my back

Hey Julie,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through without you around

Hours on the phone making pointless calls
I got a desk full of papers that means nothing at all
Sometimes I catch myself staring into space
Counting down the hours 'til I get to see your face

Hey Julie,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through without you around
No, I'd never make it through without you around

How did it come to be
That you and I must be
Far away from each other every day?
Why must I spend my time
Filling up my mind
With facts and figures that never add up anyway?
They never add up anyway

Working all day for a mean little guy
With a bad toupee and a soup-stained tie
He's got me running 'round the office
Like a gerbil on a wheel
He can tell me what to do
But he can't tell me what to feel

Hey Julie,
Look what they're doing to me
Trying to trip me up
Trying to wear me down
Julie, I swear, it's so hard to bear it
And I'd never make it through with out you around
No, I'd never make it through without you around
No, I'd never make it through without you around

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Wednesdays are different from Thursdays. But some Wednesdays and Thursdays are more different. In a lot of ways, things have changed. In a lot of ways they haven’t. Some, probably never will.

This Wednesday wore the same colors as that Thursday. Yet it was a thousand times darker. The sky leaked at about the same time this morning too. But today, the wind bit in with a lot more spite. The wind, and a thousand other things with it. I looked into the mirror in the morning, as I did then. And I still liked and hated the same things. Just some more and some less. Some about myself, some about others. The world still radiated forth an idea that it was slowing down and would soon stop spinning, so I might be able to make some sense. But it has kept on keeping on through all these years. Back then, they wouldn’t pay me enough to work. Today they couldn’t pay me enough to care. The smell and the feeling of today was all too familiar. And not just in a good way.

I was stupid then. I don’t know about now. Then, I thought actions spoke louder than words. But now I think doing is overrated. You never have to do if you can say the right words. Unfortunately, words and I never got along. My parents never taught me to not talk to strangers. Now, after several lessons from non-convalescence, I learned that strangers have a way of making you smile, then feeding off your soul, and leaving you depleted. I know better than to make others' problems my own. That's why I wore fresh lavender then. And that's why I'd rather wear gray now.

This is a lot less closer to my dream. Maybe because reality is just another word for imperfection and wrongness. Or maybe because 5 years on, this is a Wednesday and that was a Thursday.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Down the street, the dogs are barking
And the day is getting dark.
As the night comes in a-fallin'
The dogs, will lose their bark.
And the silent night will shatter
From the sounds inside my mind
And I'm one too many mornings
And a thousand miles behind.

From the crossroads of the doorstep,
My eyes start to fade.
And I turn my head back to the room
Where my love and I have laid.
And I gaze back to the street,
The sidewalk, and the sign
And you're one too many mornings
And a thousand miles behind.

It's a restless, hungry feeling
That don't mean no one no good.
When everything I'm saying,
You can say just as good.
You are right from your side,
And I am right from mine.
We're both just one too many mornings
And a thousand miles behind.

Friday, May 6, 2011

The air is getting hotter
There's a rumbling in the skies
I've been wading through the high muddy water
With the heat rising in my eyes
Everyday your memory grows dimmer
It shouldn’t haunt me like it did before
I've been walking through the middle of nowhere
Trying to get to Heaven before they close the door

When I was in Missouri
They would not let me be
I had to leave there in a hurry
I only saw what they let me see
You broke a heart that loved you
Now you can seal up the book and not write anymore
I’ve been walking that lonesome valley
Trying to get to Heaven before they close the door

People on the platforms
Waiting for the trains
I can hear their hearts a-beatin'
Like pendulums swinging on chains
When you think that you've lost everything
You find out you can always lose a little more
I'm just going down the road feeling bad
Trying to get to Heaven before they close the door

I'm going down the river
Down to New Orleans
They tell me everything is gonna be all right
But I don't know what all right even means
I was riding in a buggy with Miss Mary Jane
Miss Mary Jane got a house in Baltimore
I've been all around the world, boys
Now I'm trying to get to Heaven before they close the door

Gonna sleep down in the parlor
And relive my dreams
I'll close my eyes and I wonder
If everything is as hollow as it seems
Some trains don't pull no gamblers
No midnight ramblers like they did before
I've been to Sugar Town, I shook the sugar down
Now I'm trying to get to Heaven before they close the door

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

DISGUST ALERT. Graphic details of something that should probably never be discussed appear below.

Here’s a list of reasons why I am better than about 99% of the men in office (and probably in the universe in general), if we were to judge them on their real selves that they let loose in the mens room several times each day. Yup, the culprits of the following (should-be) crimes cover 99 out of 100 men around me. No exaggeration. I have been trying to be as lenient as possible hoping I can somehow find at least some guys who don’t flounder on any of the items in the list. Yet, instead of finding more guys, I only find more items to add to this list!

Spitters, hocklers, snorters, etc. They discharge stuff from their mouths (spit, phlegm, bits of food stuck in their teeth, etc.), into the urinal, before they begin to actually pee in it. It is just too disgusting, to everyone around. Is that a balancing act or something? Like every time they go to discharge something from their dicks, they need to balance it with something from their mouths too? I wonder if these people also pee in the wash basin when they go to brush their teeth?

The Jerkers. After the deed is done or when it is nearly complete, they tend to hold their dicks, and jerk violently. Their whole body shakes! Right from their back, the shoulder, the whole arm, elbow, forearm, wrist, fist (presumably), and fingers. What is wrong, people? I don’t quite believe your pee is so thick and viscous, that you need to shake it off like that. How about a doctor?

The Perfectionists. They believe in clearing out any potential obstacle posed by their paraphernalia, to have an unfettered leak. The belt, buttons, hooks, the trousers themselves, and hitherto tucked in shirt…they all come off. It’s like these people were late to the demo that the guy who invented zippers was delivering.

The Ocean Sounders. People who ignore acoustics and don’t bother making an effort to avoid the inordinately loud, disgusting, gushing sound. I can understand if this happens with women. But shouldn’t men exercise some navigation, given our anatomies? Just maneuver it a bit to find that angle of incidence of the stream on the urinal walls so that you don't give us the illusion of a waterfall. Sometimes, it is so loud, I can imagine the froth and what not!

The Peer Reviewers. Let’s assume a loo has 4 urinals on the wall, one next to the other. I go in, see all of them empty. So I go to the absolute last one. A guy comes in next, looks around. Now there are 3 terminals available to him. He can choose any one of them. But he chooses the one immediately next to mine! WTF dude? Keep some distance. If we were at the movies and the hall were almost empty when I came in, should I come up right next to you and occupy the seat adjacent to where you are sitting? Or should I try and sit as far away from you as possible? There is a lesson there!

The Hobnobs. Social butterflies who engage you in idle chit chat while they are midstream. It could be anything. Casual social enquiries, gossip, general cribbing etc. Now I don’t know why I have a problem with this, but I think I deserve to be understood. If I don’t respond, completely ignore, or sometimes even appear disgusted with you, I shouldn’t be judged. Cuz what you are doing is NOT NORMAL. And honestly, I don’t think we are that busy, ever. If it is something you need to discuss, put your dick back in and we can discuss it like civilized people. If it is not that important, we shouldn’t discuss it ever!

The Stargazers. These folks actually mind their own business. And quite seriously at that. From the time it comes out, to the moment it goes back in, they just put their heads down and focus. They admire their assets. Sometimes, even fantasize perhaps. I dunno. What is to observe? I really don’t know. But it is very weird to see a person you know stare at their penis so fondly a few inches away from you.

The Fake Washers. Note: I can see how some people think it is ok to not wash their hands sometimes. I don’t approve, at all, however. But the people in this category are slightly different. They use one hand to hold it. But they wash the other! Unknowingly! That’s cuz they are washing their hands for society’s sake. While I respect the effort, you need to do a better job. People like me, while very few, notice. And classify you. This category also includes those who wait in line at the wash basin, and spend those few seconds brushing their hair with said hand. What’s the point after that, I ask. Unless you also take a shower right there. And some of them offer a handshake with the same hand when they see you in there. Thankewwverymuch I say.

The Escapists. I swear I have seen people take strolls in our loos. People walk in, undo their zippers, and wait. That’s right! They wait. There is a complete absence of activity for several seconds, almost minutes, you’d think, before you hear an apology for a stream. You couldn’t have acted on that call man! Come on! What are you running from? The boss? The work? Someone else? You know what, next time you take a leak to unwind from your mad mad world, think about how privileged you are. There are men in Africa who don’t get even one good pee a day. Ok, the Africa guilt trip doesn’t exactly apply here. But I’m sure there are people out there who want to pee at that very moment, but can’t for whatever reason. Think about them.

The Nonflushers. I think these folks have a superiority complex. They feel their pee is better and cleaner than ours. And they don't need to flush it like the rest of us. I'm sure these arrogant men were the reason the auto-janitor had to be invented. Bonus asshole points if you are a spitter and a non flusher! And I'm not kidding, there are tonnes of them out there.

The Half Squatters. This is probably way too common to still be weird you’d think. But I fail to get it. People walk into the loo, face the urinal, undo their zippers, and before they whip it out, they do a quick half squat! Like they are enabling it to jump over some hurdle or something. In all my years, I have never ever felt the need to do this. The longest known penis in the world is 14 inches. And I have visualized it. Even that gentleman probably doesn’t have to adjust himself for this most natural of ablutions. So why do so many people do it? Do they maintain their penises in the wrong positions or what? Or are they wearing a metal cup or something, just in case someone kicks them in nuts for being superjerks in other walks of life too? Hmmm…

The Gum Spitters. These people should be in cages. Period. I could have included them in the generic spitters category above. But they are too audacious to fall there. They know that gum doesn’t dissolve or get flushed through the 6 small round holes. Yet they spit it in there. And then it gets clogged. And some poor soul has to get his day ruined by fixing it. Just arrrggghhhh!

Now, I can proudly say, that I don’t fall in ANY of these categories. While that is not saying much, considering how base some of these are, that does qualify me in the top one percent of men around me. Seriously, the amount of feel good it brings is something to experience.

Now this list has gotten long enough. So I am going to drop some really gross categories related to pubes and such (see? that’s how lenient I am). But suffice to know that there are even more categories out there! As an optimist, I hope this list shortens in the future, or at least doesn't grow longer than it already is. But I know humanity has a way of surprising and disappointing me consistently. So I just hope I am never in a mood to update this again.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Every now and then, his brain would slip into that space. Neither here nor there. It would be aware of what was happening and where he was, but just barely so. It wanted to pull him as far away from reality as it possibly could, yet keeping abreast, so that it could weave a fabric of non-dreams stitched together by possibility. A fabric that spread over vast areas of thoughts each night. From romantic calamities to sheer wishfulness. He looked forward to it all. During the day, logic and reality spoiled it for him. At night, dreams were scary. But in-between was when it used to all work out. When things seemed possible. The ending of his world, the achievement of his desires, the finding of right words, the right thoughts, the right questions, their answers. He felt he understood himself better this way. Nothing seemed scary in there. He felt at ease and the only thing that poked him was the consciousness that it would end soon and he would be forced into sleep. Then, probably, he would have to get through another dream.

Why was it like this, though? As a kid one of his favorite things was to start writing on a fresh page. But not the one on the left side of the notebook. It was the ones on the right that made him feel good. Though he hated writing, he loved the smooth, cold, fresh, right hand side pages. But even as he began one, he knew it would soon have to be flipped over, and then he would have to get through a painful left hand side page. Is that why things were the way they were? There should be a book that had only fresh right hand side pages on the front and back.

Thoughts like these. That may not make complete sense, but were so pure and rich anyway. They never occurred during the day or in the night. He had but only a small window to live everyday. A window with a beautiful view, of a place he knew he would never visit. He reminded himself each day to capture whatever he could see out of there so that it could get him through his tomorrow. But as always, he knew sleep was creeping up on him to make sure he returned to the same colorless misery. Before he was dragged into the pointless tug between awareness and sleep, 'It seems like it won't happen tonight either' was the last thing he remembered telling himself.