Creationist, Evolutionist...Chinese?

As I sat there, doodling around, bored to death with whatever was going around, my friend started this discussion on a topic that has been discussed to death. Divine creation vs the Big Bang. No sooner did this fellow start that topic than another wannabe intellectual jump in with his angle on the whole thing. I love it when people still feel like they have explored some new dimension to an issue that has been taken, analyzed, ripped apart, then analyzed some more, then ripped further apart, and then analyzed even more.

So this guy started with how he had the inside scoop on how it could not have been God who created this world. My friend obviously assumed the opposite side of the debate and a totally noisy and unentertaining duel ensued. Note that had the other douchebag taken the side for God, my friend would just as happily have defended the Big Bang. I, in the meanwhile, sat totally zoned out, pitying myself for several things at the same time.

A few minutes later, when I zoned into the real world that was the thoroughly vain argument bubbling around me, I found out that somehow, my friend supporting God was totally serving this other guy. That simply meant that this buddy of mine was a better debater than this other guy, since neither of them really had any point. But nevertheless, it got me thinking.

Now I don't care much for either the Creationist or the Evolutionist theory. But if I had to, had to choose, I would go with the Evolutionists. Not because I believe more in science than in religion or anything. But very simply, in the black and white of it, this world looks more like an accident than a divine creation. If there was a theory that said that God created a different world, lets say called Zalubar, and the bagasse of that process eventually formed the earth, I am willing to buy that. But to believe this world is a creation of God himself is kinda reducing Him to a shoddy ass workman. If in fact, there are people who buy into the whole creationist thing (and there are like a bazzilion of those), I wonder what kinda mediocre God these people believe in. If they think all their God could come up with was diseases, deception, cheating, misery, crime, violence, hunger, disaster, and hatred, I am not sure they should be even worshipping such a God in the first place. Heck, the writers among us humans can conceive a better world, at least in ideas.

As always, I ended up departing from that discussion between the two of my buddies by encapsulating my own half-baked takeaways. Also attempting to reconcile the two so that we could end the most boring discussion in the world. Here is my version of the whole thing:

There was a God. He caused the Big Bang. Out of it was born a world. It began developing rapidly and if everything would have gone according to plan, God would have shaped it himself. However, due to the rapid growth the universe was undergoing at the time, God couldn't afford to focus simply on one project. Plus the costs too were increasing beyond their estimated values (scope creep if you will). So, the real God, outsourced the creation of this world to someone who would do the job with a minimum-acceptable-standards tag and in a reasonable timeframe, before the lava and all that cooled. Thus, our world was born. To the absolute optimists among us, there is enough to make them feel good...the rivers and the forests and the what nots. For the pessimists too, there is enough...the diseases and the cheating and deceptions and what have you. So, a project saw its completion, with minimum acceptable standards, a fair amount of cost cutting (through adoption of some second rate processes)but with just enough to justify its existence. Juxtapose this with todays state of affirs and you might agree that I have stumbled upon the most divine secret. This is the most I can offer by way of support to the creationists:

If you believe this world was indeed a divine creation, then God, the Creator, has gotta be Chinese!

When the proverbial tree falls in the forest, in reality, there is always someone to hear it fall. Either someone who happens to be there by chance. Or only some other several trees that lie there, felled previously in the same way.

You can't kid yourself by hiding under a garb of ignorance.

Beating

For years you were shielded
From all this stupid misery
So carefully you treaded clear
To avoid this exact drudgery
But then you had to falter
And leave me with this picture unfinished
It’s a cruel world this
Where no slip-up goes unpunished
You idiot!
Do you still have to go on beating?
Is this an experience worth repeating?

I know you never fell in love
You were purposefully tripped into it
But to someone it was a victimless crime
Too bad only you think it’s a whodunit
You idiot!
Do you still have to go on beating?
You were taken by her and you were broken by her
Just get it over with now
Or are you still waiting for something?

I'm afraid of hearing that good bye
Tired of being someone's in-between guy
She never was nor would be mine...
...I know once upon a time I did try
Always is the most meaningless word
In this vast language
Used to fill in gaps,
It’s plugged in like a wedge
You had to go ahead and act
Now look what you've done
Ten thousand ways to die
And you chose my favourite one
Traded my peace for her pain
You had to lend my steam to her train
If in hindsight it all looks presaged
Why then does the effort appear in vain?

And you still want to keep beating?
Without any reason or rhyme
Oh but no one cares about you at all...
Stupid stupid stupid heart of mine!

Everything is Broken

Of everything man has ever invented, the most pathetic invention has to be adhesive glue. It just shows how desperate and disillusioned we are. We are actually willing to expend resources on scientific research to come up with a way to assuage our disillusionment. I wonder if chainsaws and adhesive glues tell us something about the personalities of the noble souls that invented them. If so, I would rather be the inventor of the chainsaw than that of the glue.

Broken lines...broken strings
Broken threads...broken springs
Broken idols...broken heads
People sleeping in broken beds
Ain't no use jiving
Ain't no use joking
Everything is broken.

Broken cutters...broken saws
Broken buckles...broken laws
Broken bodies...broken bones
Broken voices on broken phones
Take a deep breath feel like you're chokin'
Everything is broken.

Broken hands on broken ploughs
Broken treaties...broken vows
Broken pipes...broken tools
People bending...broken rules
Hound dog howling...bullfrog croaking
Everything is broken.

Broken bottles...broken plates
Broken switches...broken gates
Broken dishes...broken parts
Streets are filled with broken hearts
Broken words never meant to be spoken
Everything is broken.

Broken nights...broken days,
Broken leaves on broken trees,
Broken fingers...broken paws,
Broken sweat on broken brows.
Ain't no use runnin', honey,
Ain't no use jokin'
Nothing's workin'
Everything is broken.

Broken lives, hangin' by a thread,
Broken water...broken bread,
Broken mirror...broken chair,
Broken roads...goin' nowhere.
Broken words never meant to be spoken,
Can't help it, honey,
Everything broken.

Broken clock, on a broken wall
Broken voices in a broken hall
Broken beginnings...broken ends
Streets are filled with broken friends
Take a deep breath, baby, feel like you're chokin',
Tell me the truth now,
Everything broken.

Broken flesh on a broken floor,
Broken keys, for a broken door
Broken idols...broken heroes,
Broken numbers, addin' up to zeroes
Hound dog's howling, bull frog's croakin',
It ain't easy, baby,
Everything broken.

My love she speaks like silence,
Without ideals or violence,
She never said she's faithful,
Yet she's true, like ice, like fire.
People carry roses,
Make promises by the hour,
My love she laughs like the flowers,
Valentines can't buy her.

In the dime stores and bus stations,
People talk of situations,
Read books, repeat quotations,
Draw conclusions on the wall.
Some speak of the future,
My love she speaks softly,
She knows there's no success like failure
And that failure's no success at all.

The cloak and dagger dangles,
Madams light the candles.
In ceremonies of the horsemen,
Even the pawn must hold a grudge.
Statues made of match sticks,
Crumble into one another,
My love winks, she does not bother,
She knows too much to argue or to judge.

The bridge at midnight trembles,
The country doctor rambles,
Bankers' nieces seek perfection,
Expecting all the gifts that wise men bring.
The wind howls like a hammer,
The night blows cold and rainy,
My love, she was like some raven
At my window with a broken wing.

Be. Please be.

I sat there waiting idly, watching people go by. I was not in the best of spirits, but it wasn't something unusually crappy that I could crib about either. With an empty mind and an interesting book in hand, I just sat there. I had gotten tired of reading and was just not feeling upto it. So I shut the book and put in my earphones. 'You're a big girl now' by Dylan came on. Wow.

As I stretched out my legs, staring blankly at people around me, my mind was marrying off the visuals I was seeing to the audio that I was listening to. Its astonishing how much your imagination can stretch when it really wants to. I was listening to the song and relating it to perfect strangers around me. And it made so much sense. Like it applied to each one of them...the bartender who was working like a programmed machine, the girls who were giggling in the corner, the old men who were discussing business, couples who were probably in love, and a group of guys who were pulling each others' legs. 'You're a big girl now'. "What a wonderful song" I thought.

Wait wait wait (movie-like rewind sound plays). WTH. I must be going insane. How on god's green earth did that song apply to any of those people? Even all the Dylan crypologists wouldn't relate that song to anyone but a girl. I seriously needed to get some sleep. These kinds of visions were scary.

I got up, stuffed the book in my big black bag, and began to leave. 'You're a big girl now' kept controlling my mind. It began making sense again.

It is 12.30 in the night on a Sunday and I haven't had a day off for the longest time. I have had 25 and 30 hour workdays on supposedly 'long' weekends and I am tired. Not because of the work and not because my client has humiliated and debased me in the worst possible way, openly for absolutely no fault of mine. I am tired just because I am. Tired of everything. Tired of being alone and tired of being taken for granted by everyone in this world and tired of crying. I am tired because not one person in this world values and treasures me. I am tired because I have to exist.

Why can I not be who I am and survive happily. Why does everyone have to hate me, curse me, mock me, and despise me so? I have had it with 'if you are going to be that guy, you will always get screwed.' Why can't I just be whoever I may be- stupid, simple, naive, idiotic, dumb, pathetic, whatever. Why can't I be loved for what I am. What if I just am that way. Is that a sin? Do I have to suffer? It feels like I am not life-ready. Like I am not good enough to be in this crappy world. And people often justify this shit by citing Darwin. Thats the biggest misquote ever. Its fair if you have to be fit to survive. But I am not talking fitness here. Apparently, fitness is confused with the guile, stealth, and cunning that you require to trap a fleet footed hare. All I am asking is to be not screwed for the kind of person I am. Don't fucking make me regret being a nice guy.

And the worst thing is that no one around even knows what I am talking about. All of you are so fucking deaf and muted to this cruelty that I seem to be a weirdo. You laugh when I am hungry and you celebrate when I weep. I hate this world and I hate you and I hate myself and I hate everyone.

I don't care about any one of you. All I want is for the constant lump in my throat to not choke me. All I want is to not feel like I will break down every hour. All I ask for is for just one person,one fucking puny person, to simply listen to and understand me and this is what I get!

This is no way to live...paying through your nose for always meaning well and trying to be a good person.

They say there are only two real emotions- Love and Fear. All others are derivatives or manifestations of either of these. I think that could be true.

But apparently, both cannot co-exist. Where there is love, there is no room for fear and vice versa. I don't agree with that. There are times when you love and fear. I don't know how to explain it. But I think it is possible.