I had a lot of chores to take care of
I made a list of people to meet
A shopkeeper, a professor, bus conductor,
A journalist, a weatherman, and a priest
Between all of them, I’d find the answer
To why some people fill gaps with giggles
And thus began the day
When my soul got smashed to pickles

I’ve always loved hearing from the horse’s mouth
So I got my news straight from the journo
“If you step back and quit bugging me”, he said
“I’ll tell you everything I know
A whistle blew so shrill today
It made me think of you my dear,
Nothing profound, but the news I’ve got
Is just what you’re afraid to hear”

With my palms sweating I scrammed away
Had a store to go to, to return a gift
I looked the shopkeeper in the eye and said
“Oh how easily we shift!”
“What I offered wasn’t spotless baby”
He reasoned, “It was a slightly off-key tune
But it wasn’t impure like promise babe,
It was sweetly mottled like the moon”

Shaking my head, I walked away
Thought some science would do me good
So I walked up to a professor and said
“I hope that telescope ain’t made of wood”
He laughed, “Look, there’s something in the sky
Don't come here you can see it from there
It’s burning like everything you ever said
That’s still hanging in the air”

By now I was depressed with everything around
The weather forecast was my only hope
I seeked the weatherman out and cried
“Please throw me your longest rope”
“I’d love to but I can’t in this weather
Tonights gonna be mad, rumbling skies
Incantations will flood one side of the road,
On the other, moondrops will drip from some eyes.”

Right then the answer dawned on me
Maybe the earth would heal my scars
But the priest hinted, “Even gravity takes sides
It's biased towards falling stars
Deliverance is cool, but it makes you weak
People failing you makes you harden
Look at that artsy gal out there
Who was failed at art in kindergarten”

With no cheer, I began walking toward a bus
But it just kept moving away
Furious as coal, I cursed the conductor
“What the hell did you just say?”
“Oh, if I ever said "Leave", I musta meant "Stay"
But now I have no new words
Put a necktie on that scarecrow all you want,
It's no damn difference to the birds”