Sentenced to be...

My cat spends her day, every day, doing innocent and innocent things only. No evil. No malice, no hate, no ill will, no bitterness. Just innocent things. Make that all cats, not just my cat. Make that all animals, not just cats. Actually, make that every friggin’ life-form on this planet. Bar one.

It must be a good way to live, like a cat. Unfortunately, since we can’t fix that now, we’re only left with a few tools to deal with this deceitful, insincere, hypocritical, backstabbing, duplicitous ride that we collectively call the human experience. There’s no way out. So how do you get by? There’s really only 3 ways you can approach it, and they loosely follow the 90:9:1 rule.

90% of our species basically participates in the experience without even thinking about it. They screw others over and get screwed over back, until they die. It sounds like a fairly acceptable form of existence, if you don’t consider the fact that they are participating without reconciling why they are doing what they are. And living with that sort of a half-awareness is like functioning with a constant dull headache. No fun. Even so, fundamentally they are not particularly vicious and you have to give them that. If you have the motivation and the energy, you can reason with them. They are the ones people refer to, when they say things like “below that hard exterior, he has…” or "she's good at heart...". If you identify yourself here, congratulations! You're as as happy or as miserable as you are ever going to be. Unless you access your wicked gene looking for something more, and leave your pack to join the reveling-in-their-own-skin 9%.

The 9% are the ones we commonly call douchebags. They are the jerks who have come up with their own twisted philosophies and world views that allow them to go around poaching animals, backstabbing friends, cutting in line, honking when others are patient, and generally making arguments that nobody should be making. They are the ones who seemingly start the rot and set the rules of the game, which the 90% then unthinkingly play. They are the ones you do NOT think, are "...good at heart". While its hard to self-identify as part of this group, others can usually reliably locate you here. Existence is a breeze, and life is a party. So what's the flip side, right? Well, just one little thing. You better hope that something doesn't randomly flip your "conscience switch" one day. Because you can't actively guard against that no matter what. Its a high-risk, high-reward game here. And if/when that risk materializes, you've essentially been condemned to become part of the 1%.

And that brings us to the 1%. Those miserable souls who are neither here nor there. The ones who can see it all, can also see that nothing can be done about it, but still don’t want to willfully participate if they can help it. They are the ones who are the most screwed up. They become the poster children for the misery of the human condition. For them the stakes are even higher. Unless they find a way to cope with it, the morass is going to keep getting deeper and will eventually close in on them. And there is only one way they can hope to cope. Humor. Unless they are able to find real humor in the futility of the whole thing, they're going to be screwed in way nobody wants to be.

If you can’t truly, truly see the humor, the best you can do is try. Fake it till you make it. Because laughing something off is really only way you can square off something that doesn’t compute. The ones who know this and have some talent about them do what they can for the rest of the species.

If you still can’t find a way to laugh, the joke’s on you.

Kya kare zindagi, isko hum jo mile
Iski jaan kha gaye, raat-din ke gile
Raat-din gile…
Meri aarzoo...kameeni
Mere khwab bhi...kameeney
Ek dil se dosti thi,
Yeh huzoor bhi...kaminey
Kya kare zindagi, isko hum jo mile
Iski jaan kha gaye, raat-din ke gile

What can life really do now, now that something like me has happened to it! I’ve been an absolute pain in its butt with my constant questioning, and this perverted guilt complex. I am up to no good with nothing that I do. My ambition, my dreams, it’s all pure reprobate. I tried to keep to myself, but my heart turned out to be the biggest reprobate of them all!

Kabhi zindagi se maanga, pinjre mein chaand la do
Kabhi laalten deke, kaha aasmaan mein taango
Jeene ke sab qareeney,
The hamesha se kameeney
Kameeney, kameeney, kameeney, kameeney...
Meri daastaan...kameeni
Mere raastein...kameeney
Ek dil se dosti thi,
Yeh huzoor bhi...kaminey

I was the kind who went after what I wanted. And after I got it, I knew what a rascal I’d been. That took all the fun out of everything! All my ways have been nothing but but rotten. My whole story has been a tale of depravity. Every road I’ve ever taken has been unprincipled! And when I tried to mend my ways, I learned my heart is the biggest degenerate of them all!

Jiska bhi chehra chheela, andar se aur nikla
Maasoom sa kabootar, naacha to mor nikla
Kabhi hum kaminey nikle,
Kabhi doosre kaminey
Kameeney, kameeney, kameeney, kameeney...
Meri dosti...kameeni,
Mere yaar bhi...kameeney
Ek dil se dosti thi,
Yeh huzoor bhi...kameeney

But it’s not just me. Everyone I’ve ever met has been no different; every single person I’ve met has been two-faced. The most harmless and nicest people have shown their true colors with time. Sometimes I was the scoundrel, other times it was everyone else. My friendships have all been wretched, and I’ve been a terrible friend. But none of my friends have been any better. And when I tried to be by myself, guess who turned out to be the biggest troublemaker of them all…